ORA ORA ORA ORA! - hatredwithpassion - ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken (2024)

Chapter 1: One

Chapter Text

I.

Uchiha Fugaku was convinced there was something inherently wrong with his second born son. Something in his biology or his psyche. He was not a man of science but he knew enough to know something was seriously off about Uchiha Sasuke. The child was incredibly cantankerous, short-tempered and disrespectful. He was born with a fierce scowl on his face and if Fugaku was a lesser man, he would have screeched at the unwelcome sight. Babes were supposed to come into the world with cries and laughter would follow after a few weeks but the little babe glared at him silently for months. He glared at everyone.

Sasuke had remained in his cot, glaring hatefully at his parents and older brother for months, not uttering a single word until Mikoto began singing him alullaby one evening as they gathered around the child. It was an old Uchiha lullaby that bespoke of their greatness and grandeur as the superior clan. Fugaku expected his son to smile or beam with pride at the wonderful lyrics but the infant had scowled hard and spoke his first words Shut up you hag! The silence haddescended in the child's bedroom and Fugaku began sweating profusely as a chilling smile adorned his wife's pale face.

Mikoto was unimpressed.

Itachi was stricken.

Fugaku was concerned.

He was very concerned.

His child was defective.

The Uchiha Clan Head tiptoed around his house and walked with careful steps. His first son was out on a mission and he was left home alone with his second born. The child - now three years of age - was lounging idly on wooden floor boards, resting under the warmth of the sun. Fugaku scowled at the sight. He hated seeing people wasting their time indulging in asinine affairs. They were Uchiha. Their time was well-spent on training, politically maneuvering and for cultivating themselves.

They were not like their inferiors, the Naras. Fugaku prowled forward, his arms were clasped tightly behind his back. He stopped in front of his son, blocking the sunlight and waited for the child to acknowledge him. He waited and waited and waited. Sasuke continued to ignore him entirely. Preposterous. He had no idea who he took after. His attitude was deplorable.

“Get up this instant. You must begin your training.” Fugaku admonished.

Sasuke had his arms behind his head and his eyes were closed. He did not move.

“Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Shut up geezer, it’s too early for your sh*t.” The brat spat without opening his eyes.

Fugaku’s eyes widened and he gaped at his three year old son. He remained rooted to the spot in disbelief. Surely he misheard the boy. Was he just told to shut up by a toddler? No, no surely not. He had never been told to shut up ever before in his life. Fugaku tilted his head to the side and he blinked slowly at the pale child. Yes…yes he must have imagined the entire exchange. Fugaku shook his head and stepped away from the lazing child. He had other matters to attend too. He was definitely not escaping his responsibilities of parenthood.

Uchiha Shisui made his way into the Uchiha compound with a cheshire grin on his face. His best friend walked next to him chewing slowly on a stick of dango. The Uchiha prodigy chatted with his friend about unimportant matters as they walked through the populated compound. Both their missions had ended early and they had ran into each other at the village gates. Civilians and shinobi greeted the pair as they walked by and Shisui waved eagerly at his acquaintances. They turned the corner and made their way past the shops and food vendors. A loud curse and the sound of a scuffle caught his attention and Shisui paused in alarm at the sight.

“Itachi… Isn’t that your little brother?”

“I will send you straight to hell! You ugly bastard!”

Shisui watched with wide eyes as the small four year old pivoted on his heel and punched an older adolescent teen in the face, sending him flying into the open streets. Sounds of alarm filled the streets and Shisui watched in bewilderment as the four year old Uchiha trotted over to the fallen teenager with an angry scowl on his cherubic face. The four year old grabbed the disoriented teen by the collar and began to shake him angrily, cursing loudly as he smacked his face with rapid punches.

“I’m going to rearrange your ugly mug, you hideous bitch!”

“Oh Kami!” Shisui whispered.

“Hn.” Itachi intoned lowly.

Shisui watched as Itachi rushed through the crowds, making his way past the bystanders and he heaved the small four year old up by the armpits. Sasuke kicked his tiny arms and legs and cursed like an angry drunk as he was dragged away from the reeling teen. The Uchiha clan members watched on in alarm as Itachi hurried to the rooftops immediately, disappearing with his little brother in tow.

Chapter 2: Two

Chapter Text

II.

The pale four year old child sat on the front porch with his legs crossed underneath him. He stared ahead unblinkingly and a deep scowl marred his cherubic face. His stand - Star Platinum - hovered close, peering at him in concern. Rebirth. f*cking rebirth. Uchiha Sasuke scoffed in irritation and gazed up at his stand.

“This is f*cking stupid,” he said to his friend.

Star Platinum did not respond and stared at him unblinkingly. Sasuke sighed heavily and rested his chin in his palm. He was glad Platinum was here. Stands were a manifestation of the user’s soul. Platinum was the only stand in the new space he inhabited. No one - aside from another stand user - could see his stand. Platinum was invisible to everyone around him. He had not come across any stand users. He was the only stand user. The morons here called themselves shinobi. They cultivated their skillset in stealth, subterfuge and sneak attacks. Sasuke sneered in disgust at their tactics.

How cowardly, he thought in distaste.

He very much preferred punching his opponents in the face till they croaked rather than using subversive methods. The child leaned down and picked up a stray pebble, tossing it idly between his hands. He gazed ahead, scowling in irritation as the familiar voices drew closer to him. His older brother and his irksome best friend were making their way down the dirt path to the house. The two losers were always together - like Siamese twins joined at the hips. It was utterly nauseating.

His older brother - Itachi - paused as he saw him and the affectionate warmth filled his eyes. Ugh. The ten year old Uchiha stepped forward and approached the small child. His imbecile cousin followed closely behind, grinning his infuriating cheshire grin as he approached him. Sasuke held the pebble harder in his hand, contemplating throwing it at the older Uchiha.

“Oh Sasuke-chan!” Shisui beamed as he strolled forward. “How was your day? Terrorize anyone?”

Sasuke titled his head to the side thoughtfully. “There were the hags from the tea shop. They tried to pinch my cheeks.”

Shisui gasped dramatically and Itachi’s eyebrows rose high. He appeared concerned. For the civilians. They all knew he hated being touched by random women who cooed at him. Women in general were f*cking annoying. In his old life and in this one, women were a pain in the ass. His mother was number one on his sh*t-list. The f*cking nagging. It never stopped. The woman really liked the sound of her own voice.

“Did you tell them to not pinch your cheeks respectfully otouto?” Itachi asked.

Sasuke stared at him like he was half-witted. The idiot always tried to instil manners in him. It was futile.

“Are you f*cking dumb?” Sasuke wondered curiously.

For a prodigy, his brother could be quite moronic.

Itachi sighed and knelt down in front of him with a patient expression. “Otouto, what did I say about your language?”

Sasuke scowled and threw the stone at the bastard. Itachi caught it easily in his hand and stared at him with a patient expression on his face. He heard Shisui snickering in the background. The little bitch deserved a punch from Platinum preferably in his balls. The four year scoffed and turned on his heel, ignoring the two and made his way back into the house. f*ck them all.

Fugaku stared down sternly at his youngest son. The child continued to evade his training and ignored his attempts to educate him on his duties as an Uchiha. There must have been a switch at birth. The brat was more Nara than he was an Uchiha. He couldn’t exactly bring up his theories to his wife. It would cost him his manhood.

“Uchiha Sasuke, you listen here-”

“No.”

“-I have had enough of your attitude. You are an Uchiha and you will act like one. We have had more than enough complaints. This behaviour needs to stop.”

The child kept his eyes closed and his arms were crossed behind his head. He was the expression of pure serenity. Fugaku felt a vein pulse on his forehead and he breathed in and out slowly out of his nose. Amaterasu was testing him. This exercise in parenthood was going to send him to an early grave. Where did he go wrong with this child? Sasuke cracked an eye open and sneered up at him from his place on the wooden floorboards. He was laying outside at the back of the house enjoying the sunlight. Itachi was training outside, moving through his katas. Fugaku gazed up at his prized firstborn and turned his gaze to the lounging child. He held back an indignant screech.

“Look at your brother. He trains every single day and all you do is lay around. You’re going to start the academy in a few months and you know nothing. You haven’t even touched a single kunai.”

“Hn.”

Fugaku pressed his hands to his face and he lamented the bleak future that awaited his lazy, lazy son. Itachi stepped forward with a small smile on his face and he knelt down next to the resting child.

“How about a game otouto?”

Sasuke rolled on his side and ignored his older brother. Itachi smiled indulgently like the demonic child was acting preciously. Itachi was entirely smitten with the small child. Fugaku wanted to throttle his four year old but he couldn’t; Mikoto would end him. It also wouldn’t look good for his reputation. Fugaku watched helplessly as Itachi patiently tried to entice his little brother to move from his spot. He kept poking him gently. Sasuke rolled on his side with a scowl and glared up at the ten year old.

“What do you want, you little bitch?” He snarked.

Fugaku made a distressed sound. Itachi smiled softly and grabbed his brother’s small hands and pulled him up. Sasuke grunted in irritation and let himself get tugged forth. Itachi led him gently by the hand towards the open field and pointed towards the tree he used for target practice. The gifted son pulled out a kunai knife from his belt and knelt down in front of his little brother, patiently explaining the hand-holding techniques. He demonstrated his technique, throwing the blade towards the target board. It hit dead centre.

Fugaku watched with hope rising in his chest as his youngest son picked up a set of kunai blades for the first time in his life. He watched with bated breath as Sasuke slipped three blades in between his tiny fingers and he rolled his arm back, whipping the knives towards the board.

Fugaku stared.

Itachi blinked.

Sasuke yawned.

“What?! How?!” Fugaku sputtered in amazement as he stared at the blades.

Itachi looked down at his brother with wide eyes. He patted his brother’s head with a soft smile.

“Amazing otouto.”

Fugaku released a startled breath and watched as his four year old trotted back to his sunny spot. He laid down on the wooden floors and closed his eyes, curling into a small ball. He mumbled a quiet Arigato Star and drifted off into a deep nap. Fugaku blinked in confusion and he frowned. His wife had told him their youngest had an imaginary friend named Star. Fugaku hoped his son grew out of imaginary friends when he was older. It was unbecoming for an Uchiha. The clan head returned his gaze back to the target board.

Dead centre.

All three blades had hit dead centre.

Fugaku pressed a shaking hand to his mouth and he held his emotions in check.

His second son was a prodigy!

Chapter 3: Three

Chapter Text

Chapter Three

The small raven haired child trotted through the village with a fierce scowl on his cherubic face. His gait was clipped and purposeful as he strode past the bodies with an air of impatience. The small four year old weaved through the irritating cooing women and sneered hatefully at the bystanders who eyed him curiously. Ugh, stupid f*ckers.

Uchiha Sasuke made his way through the center of the village. His dark gaze was sharp and assessing. Star Platinum hovered by his side loyally as he strode forward with a sneer. The Uchiha child was not ignorant. He had seen the way the villagers peered at his clan members with distrust and suspicion. Conversations halted as soon as the Uchiha clan members walked by. Sasuke knew not everyone was fond of the police force and they were not a favourite among locals but they kept the peace. No law abiding citizen had anything to fear and yet the f*cking village treated them with thinly veiled distaste. The veneer of fake politeness was inherently wrong.

Uchihas were not favoured and respected in Konoha. Why? Sasuke had seen his older cousin - Shisui - smile tightly through passive-aggressive interactions and witnessed his brother’s eyes grow wary as he led him through the village with tight protective hands. Something was going on and he did not like it. Sasuke peered up at his stand and his eyes darkened calculatingly. He would do some digging and throw punches.

Sasuke moved through the crowds, gazing around at the rooftops warily. His brother would have a conniption if he knew he had left the compound unaccompanied. Sasuke scowled at the bastard’s overprotective tendencies. He did not need any coddling. He would send any f*cker flying for breathing his way wrong. The child made his way into the playground, his eyes searching for his mother. The woman liked to spend her time chatting with other locals - an exchange of gossip - Information gathering, she called it. Sasuke didn’t believe her. Mikoto fed the village wives harmless information and gained useful insight on the latest endeavours of other clans.

Sasuke scowled hatefully at the sight of the chattering women. f*ck no. He turned on his heel and went deeper into the playground, eyeing a set of swings curiously. He shrugged to himself and climbed on, swinging back and forth idly. f*ck it. He was in a child’s body. He would act the part when it suited him. Sasuke swung back and forth with an expression of utter boredom on his small face. He slid his dark gaze to the tiny monsters on the slides. Ew. He hated children. They were loud and gross. There was a little bitch eating his snot discreetly in the corner. Sasuke blanched at the disgusting sight.

Sasuke gazed around with a scowl, spying a dozing pineapple head in the shade. Hmm the f*cker knew what’s up. He nodded approvingly at the napping child. A Nara. His father droned on about their inferiority - anyone who wasn’t an Uchiha was inferior in Fugaku’s books - but Sasuke saw potential in the fellow. He got work smart, not hard vibes from the brat. Good stuff.

Sasuke slid his eyes to the edge of the slide where a loud commotion brewed. A bunch of children were picking on a shoddy looking emaciated child. The child was blond with scruffy locks and rundown rags. He was curled into himself and his tiny form was shaking. Sasuke turned away in disinterest. He continued swinging, watching the clouds move slowly and the noise picked up around him. The raven whipped his head around as he heard the loud smack resonate through the playground. The blond child fell to the ground and began whimpering in pain. His forehead was bleeding profusely and the little f*ckers were throwing stone pebbles at him while laughing.

Sasuke stood up in irritation. They were so f*cking loud! He couldn’t even swing in peace. The small Uchiha trotted over on his short legs and pushed his way roughly through the kids.

“Would you little sh*ts cut it the f*ck out?! A man is trying to watch the clouds in peace here!”

The children froze. The playground grew silent. Sasuke could feel his mother’s gaze on him but he ignored the old hag. A curly haired kid with tanned features stepped forward with a sneer. He was tall and wiry. His nose was crooked and he had an air of superiority about him. The loser was their leader. Sasuke arched an unimpressed eyebrow at the dirt-bag.

“We are just teaching the monster a lesson,” the kid drawled with a nasty sneer, inclining his head to the tiny blond.

Sasuke frowned. He gazed behind him at the small crying brat and turned back to the ugly kid.

“Where? I don’t see any monsters.”

The kid scoffed. “Behind you, you dolt. He’s a demon.” He pointed rudely at the blond kid who flinched at the cruel words.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Oh for f*cks sake!”

The children gasped at his crude language.

“I don’t see any monsters here. He’s just a snotty nosed brat. The only monstrous f*ckers I see are you lot. Throwing rocks at one little sh*t. f*cking cowards!” Sasuke seethed.

The leader - Crooked Nose- sneered and stepped forward threateningly. He towered over him and his dark eyes were menacing.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me, you ugly bastard. Now go kindly f*ck off, I want to watch the clouds in peace.”

Crooked Nose turned red in rage and he picked up a large stone, screaming lividly as he ran towards him with his arm raised. Sasuke grinned a maniac grin and pulled his fist back, ramming it violently into his ugly face. He heard the satisfying crack of bones as he smashed the dirt bag’s nose. Crooked Nose fell to the ground with a warbled cry and his friends yelled indignantly. Sasuke grinned and spread his knees apart. The kids turned to him with murder in their eyes and they all rushed forward like a murderous hoard of monsters.

Sasuke cackled wickedly and ran forward gleefully.

“Come at me you little bitches!”

Grounded.

He ended up grounded for a month! The audacity!

“You evil witch,” Sasuke sneered at his mother as she tended to his cuts.

Mikoto smiled angelically as she applied vindictive pressure on his cuts. Sasuke hissed and slapped her hands away with a scowl. The door slid open and his older brother walked in. Itachi paused at the sight and his brows creased in concern. Sasuke grunted as his brother took his face in his hands gently, inspecting his cuts.

“Who do I kill?” Itachi spoke lowly with murder in his eyes.

Mikoto shook her head and stood up with a drawn sigh, leaving her two sons alone. Sasuke heard her rummaging in the kitchen. Starting on dinner. The four year old batted his brother’s hands away with a scowl.

“No one, you creep.” He intoned. “It was just a bunch of kids and they pissed me off.”

“Tell me everything.” Itachi demanded.

Sasuke arched an eyebrow high and laid down on the ground. He gazed up at his brother and scrunched his nose in distaste as Itachi stared at him imploringly.

“Not much to tell. I was cloud watching then the f*ckers got too noisy so I told them to f*ck off. Some bitch tried to bash my brains in so I broke his nose.”

Itachi stiffened and his killing intent rose. “Details.”

Sasuke smirked. “Ugly bitch. Dark curly hair, tanned skin, crooked nose. Tall and skinny. About your age.”

Itachi pressed a hand to his head gently and he nodded. He stood up and strode out of the room with purpose. Sasuke watched him go with an amused gaze. And they call him the crazy one. The child closed his eyes and stifled a big yawn. He rolled and rolled on the wooden floorboards until he reached the open patio. He spread his arms out and sighed as the warmth of sun touched his skin. Sasuke cracked an eye open and peered at the clouds. He heard noises from the kitchen and scowled. f*ck. The old geezer was home. The voices rose and the door to the patio was thrown open.

“Ugh.” Sasuke drawled as he gazed at his father’s livid face.

“Uchiha. Sasuke.” Fugaku spoke with gritted teeth as he strode forward. “What is this I hear about you beating up half the villages children?!” He screeched, his voice rising octaves higher and higher with each word.

f*cking banshee.

Sasuke did what he did best when he was confronted by his father. He closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

The month went by agonizingly slow. Much to his great dismay, his father took his punishment with glee. The old geezer took every opportunity to educate him on the superiority of their clan. He brought scrolls and books, taking a seat next to his dozing form and read in a loud, clear voice. Sasuke scowled at the memory. One of these days, he was going to use Star Platinum on his father. The four year old made his way throughout the village - He had snuck out again- He waited until his brother was distracted with his Siamese twin. The second his back was turned Sasuke made his escape.

The dour child made his way throughout the village, gazing up at the structures with boredom. He walked past a crowd of children and he heard them gasp and scramble to hide as they saw him. Sasuke smirked in satisfaction. Good. Know your place, you little sh*ts. He made his way into the playground and peered around. The place was ideal to watch the clouds. He found Pineapple Head dosing off again under a large tree. The bastard was hogging the best spot - pure perfect shade - Sasuke scowled and strode forward. He peered at Pineapple Head and eyed the spot with envy. He gazed around him searchingly. Hmm, there was enough room for two. He didn’t want the f*cker to think he was trying to be his friend. Gross. Sasuke took a seat near the dosing child and laid on his back.

He heard the child shuffle and turn on his side, cracking a dark eye open and peering at him with an expression of boredom. Sasuke arched an eyebrow in a silent challenge.

“Meh,” the child intoned lazily.

“Hn.” Sasuke returned lazily.

They reached a mutual understanding.

A moment of silence passed and Pineapple Head went back to sleep. Sasuke felt his approval meter rise for the kid. He turned away from the kid and peered at the clouds. He sighed in serenity. Fantastic. He closed his eyes and let the peacefulness wrap around him. His serenity was abruptly interrupted as he heard the sound of shuffling reach him. Sasuke scowled and opened his eyes, sitting up with a mean glare. It was the blond crybaby. Ugh. f*ck no. The blond brat gazed at him with big, wide blue eyes and he shuffled from toe-to-toe hesitantly.

“Ano…I…” He blinked his eyes rapidly. “I mean…uhm…the thing is…” He whispered in a tiny voice.

Sasuke scowled. “For f*cks sake! Get to it you little sh*t!”

The tiny brat flinched at his tone and his eyes grew wide. The kid looked hesitant but also hopeful. Sasuke knew that look. He had seen women gaze that way towards him before they professed their undying love and devotion to him. f*cking hell. He got himself an admirer. Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his unruly locks.

“Look you f*cker,” he began impatiently.

The kid flinched and his eyes began watering. Sasuke scowled. If there was another thing he hated more than women, it was tears. Gross.

“Ugh I’ll amend, look you little bitch.”

The brat made a distressed noise in the back of his throat. Sasuke heard Pineapple Head snort. He whipped his head around and glared at the little f*cker. His approval meter went down two notches. Approval was a very fickle mistress. Sasuke sighed and turned back to the blond brat.

“You look…err you…”

“Naruto.” The brat whispered. “Uzumaki Naruto.”

“Seriously?” Sasuke deadpanned.

Naruto titled his head to the side in confusion.

Sasuke scowled. “Dude…you were named after a ramen ingredient. What the f*ck were your parents smoking?”

The kid shrunk into himself. “I…” he licked his dry lips. “I don’t know…I don’t know them. They died when I was born.”

Sasuke sighed. Great. A sob story. Double ugh. Okay fine, he could be nice-ish. It was not the brat’s fault he was an orphan. A friendless and unloved orphan. sh*t happened. The world f*cked people over. Not all men were created equal. The whole nine yards. Short end of the stick. Fine, he could do names…ugh.

“Okay you sh*thead, I mean Naruto. f*ck, seriously a ramen ingredient. I cannot. I’ll call you Uzu; that’s better. Look brat, I’m not here for friends, I just want to nap and watch clouds. If you’re here to thank me, just don’t. I did it because those bitches pissed me off, not for you. A word of advice though kid, if a f*cker hits you, hit them back twice as hard.”

The kid’s eyes grew wide and he shuffled close. He took a seat in front of him and he stared at him with reverence like he held the answers to life in his hands.

“So…so what do I do if they try to hurt me?” He whispered with wide eyes.

Oh great. I’m now the wise oracle to guide the youth. Sasuke scowled and laid back on the ground, closing his eyes peacefully. He cracked a dark eye open and stared at Uzu with a sharp expression.

“Look kid, here is my take on life. Now listen close.”

The brat leaned forward eagerly and he stared at him with rapt attentiveness.

Sasuke grinned viciously. “Violence is always the answer.”

Chapter 4: Four

Chapter Text

IV.

Anger.

Layers and layers of barely suppressed anger filled him to the core. Sasuke knew he was a walking talking ball of disastrous rage. He had settled in his adulthood with a sense of resigned acceptance but being reborn in this current sh*tcluster of a village brought back his old rage and it was multiplied by ten. He didn’t want to be here.

The five year old trotted through the village with his older brother with a mean scowl on his cherubic face. His small hand was held by the obsessive heathen as he walked him to the academy for his very first day. Ugh, school. It was such a bore in his old life. He dreaded it. Sasuke scowled up at Itachi who returned his glare with a soft indulgent smile.

“I don’t want to go.” Sasuke hissed as they reached the entrance doors.

The five year old glared at the children standing around apprehensively with their parents. There were tears and emotional departures. Disgusting. He hated children. Itachi knelt down in front of him and cupped his cheeks in his hands. Sasuke’s frown deepened as his brother squished his chubby cheeks playfully. He slapped his hands away with a growl and attempted to punch the doting bastard in the face.

His brother chuckled fondly (he was weird) and caught his wrist gently with an affectionate smile.

“Be good otouto.” He said softly as he drew him into a warm hug.

Sasuke huffed in irritation and bit his brother’s shoulder vindictively. f*ck you too! Itachi laughed quietly and withdrew with a smile. He stood up and patted his head gently. Itachi waved him through the gates and stood by, watching over him like an emotional doting parent. What a creep. Sasuke rolled his eyes theatrically and returned his brother’s wave mockingly before he turned around and trekked into the academy reluctantly.

The raven haired child made his way through the small bodies to his classroom with a sneer. He lamented the entire experience and he planned to nap through the entire curriculum. f*ck learning. He had no desire to become a shinobi - he told his father so - and the man had nearly fainted. Pity, he didn’t.It would have made his day.

His witch of a mother had put her foot down, forced a backpack on his small back, shoved a bento in his hands and tossed him out of the door with an angelic smile. He screamed as he was sent flying through the air but his doting brother was in the wait. He caught him easily in his arms and waved to their mother who smiled sweetly at them.

f*cking witch.

His family had conspired against him. They planned for it. Traitors, the whole lot of them.

There was a crowd at the front of the class and loud noises filled the room. Sasuke scowled and stalked forward with an air of impatience.

“Look at her eyes! They’re so weird! Weirdo weirdo weirdo!”

Sasuke pushed through the crowds and glanced at his snotty classmates. Two boys were cornering a small trembling Hyuga. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the pathetic sight. The morons were blocking the door to the entrance.

“Move you maggots.” Sasuke sneered hatefully.

The children froze at the unexpected hostility.

The classroom grew silent and the students peered at the spectacle.

“What’s it to you?” A boy spat with an embarrassed hue to his chubby cheeks.

“Yeah! We weren’t even talking to you! And her eyes are so weird! Can’t you see?”

Sasuke took a deep breath. Kill me. This was his life for the next six years. f*ck it. He’ll aim for an early graduation to retain his sanity. Sasuke frowned at the thought. Or maybe not… Early graduation would make his old geezer proud and he didn’t want to make him happy. f*ck it, he’ll pull a strategic Nara maneuver and sleep through the entire experience. Those guys were superior. They worked smart, not hard. Unlike the idiotic Uchihas who tired day and night. Morons. Sasuke glanced at the trembling girl and he turned his gaze back to the two imbeciles.

“Her eyes aren’t weird, you worm. They’re clearly a dojutsu.”

The kids looked confused. Sasuke scoffed. He pointed to his eyes.

“You know, dojutsu. Superior genetics. Ah, I don’t expect you maggots to know what that is with your inferior gene pool.”

He strode past them and made his way up to the final row. Oh, Pineapple Head was in his class. The brat had his head down and he was napping. Sasuke smirked approvingly. He knew what’s up. Sasuke took a seat next to the napping child and lowered his bag down with a grunt. The chatter picked up again and the raven haired child felt numerous eyes on his face. Sasuke gazed around in boredom and shuddered in disgust. The girls were gazing at him with star-struck expressions.

Ew. It was happening again.

Sasuke slept through the first three lessons. It was great. He was called on but he ignored the sensei, keeping his head buried in his arms. He was starting to enjoy the academy. All he did was sleep. Lunch came and the Uchiha child stood up and grabbed his bag. He passed the group of squealing fangirls without a backward glance and made his way onto the open fields. Children ran around playing ninja. There was a little bitch pretending to disembowel her friend with a makeshift blade as her friend screeched and kicked her arms and legs in mock-terror. Sasuke blinked at the sight.

What the f*ck?

He walked away from the playground and reached the trees. Sasuke gazed around him critically, his gaze honed in on the group of fangirls searching for him like a hoard of hyenas. The group was led by two bickering girls, one pink haired and one blond. They were sniffing the air like blood hounds. f*cking terrifying.

Sasuke ducked quickly behind the tree and took a seat in the perfect shade. He opened his bento box and smiled. The witch was a very good cook. It was her only redeeming quality. He still hated her very much. The five year old ate through his fried dumplings, humming at the delicious taste in appreciation.

Sasuke lifted his gaze warily as he heard the crack of a branch. He would unleash Star Platinum if it was a fan-girling little sh*t. He was so done. His eyes widened in surprise. It was Pineapple Head plus one chubby boy. The kid sauntered to him with his hands lazily shoved in his pockets.

“Yo,” Pineapple Head greeted as he took a seat next to him.

“Hn,” Sasuke intoned as he shoved another dumpling in his mouth.

Chubby boy stepped forward hesitantly. He was shy. He sat next to Pineapple Head and peered at him curiously.

“H-Hi, I’m C-Chouji.” He supplied in a nervous voice.

Sasuke arched a dark eyebrow. “Did I ask bitch?”

Chouji gasped -his eyes growing wide- and he sputtered. “N-no b-but my m-mom says its p-polite to i-introduce y-yourself to n-new friends.”

Sasuke sneered. Friends. Disgusting. Chubby boy flinched and he hid behind Pineapple Head. The Uchiha child ignored the pair and turned back to his bento. Their presence was annoying but at least it was more tolerable than the screaming hyenas. Pineapple Head laid down -uninvited- and closed his eyes with an expression of pure serenity. Sasuke gazed down at him with a bewildered expression.

“Oi, this my spot,” Sasuke hissed as he poked the kid harshly with his chopsticks.

The kid cracked a dark eye open and stared at him a lazy expression. “I shared my spot last time. Now it’s your turn.”

Sasuke scowled and turned back to his food. Chubby boy (what was his name again?) took a seat and opened a bag of chips. He began munching on his snacks as he slid his curious gaze towards him. Sasuke flipped him the bird and the kid kept sputtering in shock. Lunch passed peacefully. It was quiet in the trees, away from the rowdy little gremlins. Sasuke felt the hair on his neck stand and he stiffened in alarm. Someone was watching him. The Uchiha child leaned back inconspicuously and peered around. His eyes honed in on his stalker with exact precision.

Oh hell no.

It was the little Hyuga brat. She was standing behind the tree and staring at him while twiddling her thumbs. Her eyes widened in alarm as he caught her gaze and she turned around hurriedly, tripping on her feet and falling to the ground with a startled cry. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the pathetic sight and turned back to his food. He pouted at his empty lunch box. The witch didn’t pack him enough food.

He was a growing boy and he needed more nutrients. Sasuke gazed at his empty bento like a grieving widowed man who suffered the greatest loss of his life. It was an utter travesty. Chubby boy reached out and handed him a bag of buns. Sasuke stared and quickly ripped the buns out of the child’s hands with a narrowed gaze. He bit into the hot meat buns and groaned appreciatively.

He gazed at the boy with a narrowed gaze. He gave him a curt nod of approval. The boy beamed at him with a small shy smile.

They reached an understanding.

The bell for the end of lunch period rang loudly and Sasuke trudged back into the classroom. He made his way through the open door, ignoring the sighing fangirls, and he made it up to the back row. He heard a familiar loud voice - SASUKE! - and it was his only warning before he toppled down to the ground. Sasuke hissed in pain as his body hit the ground and a warm body latched onto him. Omph. Bright golden locks filled his sight and he wheezed painfully as he was squeezed in a tight hug.

“I’m so happy we’re in the same class datebayyo! I woke up late and then I didn’t remember I had to go to the academy and I was heating up my ramen and then it got all soggy and I looked at the calendar and I KNEW!”

Sasuke sat up with an armful of excitable blond and he scowled angrily. He rammed his fingers in the child’s side roughly and watched as he crumbled in satisfaction. Uzumaki Naruto wincedin pain and pouted at him with a sad expression. Sasuke scowled and stood up, dusting his clothes. He made his way back to his seat and glared at the blond who hopped into the vacant seat next to him. Pineapple Head joined him with Chubby boy on the other side.

Sasuke felt eyes on his face and he gazed down the rows to see the Hyuga watching him. He scowled and she gasped, ducking behind her chair with a shy expression. The Uchiha child rubbed his temples tiredly. It was only the first day. f*cking hell. He had an entire fanclub. Naruto blabbed away by his side incessantly and Sasuke turned to tell him to shut the hell up. Sasuke paused as he saw the large purple bruise on the kid’s face. He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward.

“What happened?”

Naruto blinked in confusion, pausing in his embellished retelling of cooking ramen. Sasuke scowled and pointed at his bruised face. Naruto’s cerulean eyes brightened and he leaned forward eagerly, whispering in a very loud voice. The damn kid needed volume control.

“There was a drunk jerk on the street ne? I was walking home after a fishing trip ne because I don’t have food at home datebayyo. And no one gives me food and they chase me out of stores. And then he tried to threaten me with his drink bottle and I remembered what you said and I punched him datebayyo!” Naruto bounced in his seat excitably. “And and he fell down Sasuke and he never got up ne! It was AWESOME!”

Sasuke’s lips lifted into a feral grin.

“Hn.” He remarked approvingly.

Chapter 5: Five

Chapter Text

V.

Uchiha Fugaku sat in front of his five year old son with a serious expression adorning his face. He stared steadily at the tiny menace as he handed him the thin sheet of paper. Sasuke scowled in irritation and looked at his father impatiently. Itachi sat close by, watching them interact with a soft smile on his face. Mikoto was out, doing whatever she damn pleased. His wife was terrifying. He would never monitor her actions or question her whereabouts. She was as free as a bird.

“Now what geezer?” The brat spat with an angry scowl.

Fugaku felt a vein pulse on his forehead. He had to instil manners in his second born. He was trying. He really was trying but he sucked at parenting. It just never worked out the way he envisioned. The Uchiha Clan Head sighed heavily and moved his son’s hands gently over the paper.

“Channel your chakra to the page. And your element will reveal itself.” He explained tiredly.

Sasuke scowled and glared at him, fingers unmoving on the paper in defiance. Fugaku bit back a frustrated scream and looked towards his eldest son for assistance. Itachi stood up and moved behind his brother, taking ahold of his tiny hands and he squeezed the chubby fingers lightly. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the paper and took a deep breath, focusing on challenging his energy forth.

Fugaku watched him with a displeased gaze.

Sasuke never listened to him. He only listened to Itachi whenever he pleased. Fugaku felt envious. Blatant favouritism. The demonic child had favourites and he wasn’t one of them. Sasuke was decent to Itachi and he tolerated Uchiha Shisui’s presence. Fugaku was comforted by the fact that Sasuke hated his wife as well. It made him feel less alone in his great misery.

Mikoto was never mother or mom; she was always referred to as witch or crazy hag. She got an upgrade in her name; she was promoted from old hag to witch. Fugaku frowned. He never got an upgrade. He was forever labeled as geezer and it greatly displeased him. He deserved an upgrade. He worked so damn hard but no one acknowledged his efforts.

Fugaku tore himself from his deprecating thoughts and he eyed the paper transform. He blinked in bewilderment. What in the world? He had expected the paper to burn as it did with every Uchiha child. It burnt on one side and it turned crispy on another side. Fugaku had never seen anything like it before. His breath hitched in alarm and his heart soared in pride.

Remarkable.

A dual affinity.

His son was truly gifted.

He was exceptional.

He may have the mannerisms of a troll but he was remarkably talented.

Fugaku was proud.

Sasuke’s eyebrows creased in confusion as he gazed at the paper with pursed lips. He turned to his older brother with an inquisitive gaze and Itachi smiled down at him affectionately.

“You have a dual affinity otouto. It’s uncommon, it means you will excel in two elements and master more jutsu than most shinobi.”

“Can you use two?” Sasuke asked his brother with a frown.

Itachi shook his head lightly. Fugaku watched in concern as his son appeared troubled by the information. He wasn’t gloating or shining in pride at his superior abilities. Sasuke glared at the paper hatefully and he scrunched it up into a ball. He threw it at the wall with a scowl and slumped against his brother like an overcooked noodle.

“f*ck!” He cried out, throwing his hands up in the air.

Fugaku held back his joy and pride. It was unbecoming to show such sappy emotions. He was a clan head. The Clan Head. A very important person with a stoic reputation to uphold. Fugaku allowed a thinly veiled smile on his face as he gazed at his little boy. His precious menace was going to become his pride and joy.

Uchiha Sasuke was done.

He was 100% done.

In his past life, he had been an exceptional crusader.

Now, he was tired, very tired.

Sasuke didn’t want to fight.

He didn’t want to have the crowds falling over themselves for his attention. He didn’t want to hear the screeches and screams of delight from his female peers. He didn’t care for the envious looks and hostile whispers from his male peers. He didn’t want the stalkers and overly friendly children to chase after him desperately for his time. He wanted none of it. Sasuke wanted to retire to a secluded corner and harvest crops. He wanted to live a quiet life and gaze at the clouds in serenity.

He wanted peace. Was it too much to ask for? After an entire lifetime of fighting, he wanted to rest and retire. f*ck. This. sh*t. He had no Will of Fire. Hell, he had no will at all! He wanted to pack his sparse belongings and go somewhere far far away from all the nonsense of Konoha. Shinobi. Clans. Clan expectations. Uchihas. All of it was nauseating.

Sasuke had a dual affinity. f*cking hell. The world hated him. He wished he had been reborn into a snail or a dolphin. Or some fascinating insect like a praying mantis. They were cool. They ate their spouses after mating with them. He could get behind that.

Sasuke scowled at his tiny hands. These stupid stupid tiny hands were responsible for his greatest suffering. He was once again a prodigy. A dual affinity! It was a rarity especially in one so young. He wanted to scream. His father had become even more unbearable. He was the worst! Fugaku would stare at him with a starry-eyed gaze and Sasuke had seen his eyes glisten a few times. Sasuke shuddered in disgust. He wanted to be far away from all these crazy f*ckers.

The life of a deserter was starting to look good.

They couldn’t accuse him of becoming a missing-nin when he wasn’t a fully certified shinobi. He wanted to drop out of the cursed academy but his parents would never allow it. Sasuke sneered at the thought. He didn’t need their permission. He would give them the metaphorical finger if they dared to get in his way. This was his life. If he wanted to be a farmer then he was going to become a great farmer. The best one! He needed to leave, he had to leave. He couldn’t bare it a second longer.

Can a five year old become a missing-nin?

Hn. Semantics.

Sasuke had one chance for freedom before he graduated from the academy. They couldn’t turn him into an outlaw at his tender age. It was perfect. The five year old rolled on his side and scowled up at the clouds. It was more possible. He could make it happen. He had been on road cruising the world with his comrades in his past.

They had braved through the Egyptian desert and the Mediterranean seas. He had been North and South, East and West. He had fought underwater in a debilitated submarine. He had fought in a moving airplane. He had fought an entire army of zombified civilians under a spell. He had fought and fought and fought.

He could carry his own weight.

He wasn’t worried.

Even if his body was frail and small, his stand was immensely powerful. It was the most offensive stand. The strongest one. Star Platinum could stop time. He was invisible. He could bend iron. He could cut through diamond. He could stop ricocheting bullets with his fingertips. He could perform life-saving resuscitation without his guidance.

He was invincible. Nearly.

Sasuke was convinced. His heart was solidified.

Nothing his father could say would ever glorify fighting again.

Being in the academy ensured that he would continue fighting. He would live through another lifetime of battles, sacrifices and losses. Hell, even to unlock his oh-so-grand dojutsu, he needed to sacrifice his happiness. The sharingan was gained through sacrifice. It was gained through trauma.

His father droned on and on about the greatness of the sharingan. The old geezer was surely screwed on wrong from birth. Dropped a couple of times. Fugaku was looking forward to his son’s trauma as a glorious rite of passage so he could unlock his grand mysterious ocular powers.

What the f*ck?

Hard f*cking pass.

His father was crazy.

His brother was crazy.

His mother was crazy.

All the bitches in the village were crazy.

He was out.

Sasuke sat up slowly.

He listened closely, his dark gaze honing in on Star Platinum. He nodded silently. He didn’t need words. His Stand was an extension of himself. Star understood. He was f*cking leaving. Time to desert everyone and everything. Peace out bitches. Uchiha Sasuke has left the chatroom. The five year old stood up nonchalantly and moved into his bedroom. His creepy brother was out on a mission -thankfully one that had him out of the village - hurrah for small mercies.

His old geezer was in his office sniffing his scrolls or something. He had no idea. Important clan sh*t, Sasuke never listened when he talked to him. His mother… Well he never understood the crazy witch. She was evil. Best steer clear of the serenely smiling hag. She was terrifying. She was the type to skin her enemies alive and murmur soft words to them in comfort as she disembowelled them with a serene, angelic smile.

f*cking terrifying, that Mikoto.

The small child cackled under his breath as he packed his bags. He couldn’t wait to be done with everything. Oh it was going to be wonderful. He would travel the lands, rob bitches blind, punch anyone who got on his nerves, grow crops in a nice secluded plot of land. Sasuke knew how to cover his tracks expertly and hunt for his supplies. As a crusader it was all he ever did. The five year old frowned at his lack of weapons.

He may run into a bitch or two and Star could surely punch them into oblivion. Sasuke needed a back up for safety. He ran into his brother’s room and threw his closet door open. Time to rob the little bitch. Sasuke pulled his brother’s weapon pouch and tucked it into his bag. He paused, gazing at his brother’s savings contemplatively. The idiot didn’t put his money in a bank- the paranoid creep - He kept it all in a box -some glorified treasure chest- The loser really trusted his family members to keep his money safe.

Sasuke opened the chest and he cackled. He was doing his brother a favour. He was teaching him a valuable lesson on trust. He gazed at the stacks and stacks of ryos and grinned ferally. The little bitch was filthy rich! He must have been saving and accumulating his wealth slowly over the years. Sasuke smirked vindictively. He was going to be rich, by extension. Sasuke robbed his brother gleefully and turned on his heel. He grinned wide at his Stand and he put his backpack on.

“Time to go Platinum! Let's get the f*ck out of here!”

Chapter 6: Six

Chapter Text

VI.

The small five year old crouched low in the bushes, watching the guards with a narrowed intelligent gaze. His tiny hands tightened on his backpack straps and he smirked as the guards shifted, standing and stretching their bodies lazily. It was time for them to change their posts. He had a short interval to get past them when they turned their backs to greet their colleagues. Uchiha Sasuke ran hurriedly past the guard post and kept his body glued to the wall like a baby leech.

He laid on the ground, rolling into the shrubs effortlessly. The guards chattered above him about asinine matters. The five year old held his breath as he slithered across the grounds silently.

It was a classic Joestar move, employed by his grandfather during his youth. Sasuke moved on his belly and made it past the gates. He rolled pulled himself upwards, grinning wolfishly as he made it past the village gates. The small child gazed over his shoulder at the village walls. He didn’t say goodbye and he didn’t leave behind a note.

“Hn,” he intoned dismissively as he moved forward.

For a hidden shinobi village their surveillance and security system was abysmal. He - a five year old - was able to leave the village undetected.

Sasuke moved away from the dirt path and rushed into the thick woods. Tall Hashirama trees with thick branches offered him shade and he weaved through the thick foliage. The five year old moved for a long time, not stopping for a break until the sun began to set. He paused and peered at his map with a concentrated frown.

He was miles out from the sh*tcluster of a village. It was nightfall. The child stared up at the dark skies and peered around his surroundings. The trees would have to do. Sasuke stared at his stand pointedly and Star moved silently.

Star picked him up from his armpits and tossed him in the air. Sasuke whirled in the air and caught onto a branch with his small hands. He heaved his body onto the branch and rested his back against the thick trunk.

He closed his eyes.

It was time for bed.

Children needed their sleep.

Uchiha Fugaku peered at the clock with a scowl. His second son was going to be the death of him. He knew the five year protested the idea of going to the academy but to actually sleep in. The audacity! Uchihas did not sleep in. They rose with the sun. They seized the day.

He had no idea who his son took after. Fugaku made his way up the stairs gracefully. He did not stomp. He was a refined man who was in full control of his emotions. The clan head threw the door open roughly and glared ahead. He scowled fiercely at the bundle on the bed and made his way towards his sleeping son.

“Uchiha. Sasuke. Now listen here young man.” He pulled off the blankets in one fluid move. “This type of behaviour is unbecoming of your position! Why I’ve never-“

Fugaku blinked.

He stared.

The sheets slipped from his fingers.

Then his breath hitched in alarm.

And he let out an undignified screech.

Uchiha Shisui was having a good day. Well… It was as good as it can get with Shimura Danzo breathing down his neck like a withered creep. So it wasn’t a good day. It was a very very bad day.

Amaterasu grant him patience. He hated the wrinkly bastard. He was going to be the death of him!

Shisui made his way through the village with a tired gait. It was too early. Danzo enjoyed having meetings early because he knew Shisui was not a morning person. Ugh. The bastard.

Shisui made his way into the compound with slouching shoulders. He would often walk with a straight posture because Uchihas held themselves upright and gazed forward with their chins held high blah blah blah but Fugaku was not around to see him neither was Itachi.

Small mercies.

“f*cking asshole. Too early for this sh*t. Argh!” He threw his hands up to skies. “Just give me one peaceful day. It’s my day off for sh*ts sake!”

Shisui turned the corner and screamed. “GAH!”

Uchiha Fugaku was running - Shisui rubbed his dry eyes - and stared. No. He wasn’t seeing things. The dignified clan head was indeed running like a madman with his flower patterned robes billowing behind him. He was holding a limp object in his arm. Was that a doll?

Shisui straightened his posture as the man ran towards with wide eyes.

“F-Fugaku-sama?” Shisui stuttered nervously.

The man stopped in front of him and pushed the object in his arms. Shisui caught it with a bewildered squeak.

“Tell me what you see!” Fugaku demanded.

Shisui gulped nervously. “Uhm…sir?”

“What do you see?!” He screeched, his voice rising octaves higher and higher with each word.

Shisui winced and peered down at the doll in his arms. It was an ugly thing with a heavily scarred face. It was like an evil vindictive child had taken a knife to its face and carved it up gleefully - Ew. Who would do such a thing?

Shisui’s eyes widened. Right. There was one little crazy bastard who would do that without batting an eyelash. The doll also had the ugliest case of a bad hair day. It’s locks were fried and standing upright. Right. There was one little crazy bastard who had recently discovered a lightening element in their clan.

One Uchiha Sasuke.

Shisui felt a migraine incoming. There goes his off day. There goes his inner peace. His little cousin was going to be the death of him. Sasuke was cute and adorable but man the little sh*t had issues. Severe issues.

Shisui adored him. He loved him. He would die for him in a heartbeat.

Those chubby cheeks and scowling face alone, man he was the cutest thing ever! Shisui understood Itachi’s obsession with his little brother. The mean bugger was precious. Too adorable for words. He was also hilarious to watch! He was so bitter and salty and he reminded him of an old man.

But he was also five different levels of f*cked up as well. Itachi didn’t see it. Mikoto never acknowledged. Shisui laughed about it but deep down…well deep down he was a tiny bit terrified of the little sh*t.

Right. This was about Sasuke. Well, sh*t it couldn’t be good. It was never good when the little menace was involved. It was only a year ago when the heathen got in a brawl with half the villagers children. That did them no good at all. In fact it created more tension between them and the other villagers.

f*ck me sideways. What now?!

“I…” Shisui cleared his throat and tried to keep his facial expression neural. “I see a very ugly doll sir…with…” he licked his lips. “With a kunai blade wedged into its heart…sir?”

Fugaku nodded in approval.

What the f*ck is this? Why can’t I have a normal day off? Right, because I’m related to psychos.

“This-” The clan head sniffed haughtily and pointed an accusing finger at the ugly thing. “-was in the little bas- my son’s bed.” He amended. “Now I have this horrible feeling, call it parental instinct or whatever you will but he is not here.”

Shisui frowned. “Ano…can’t he…I don’t know be off playing somewhere?”

Fugaku scowled. “No, everyone is in the academy and I sent one of my men discreetly to check the academy and the parks. The little bas - my son is gone.”

Shisui gazed up at the heavens tiredly. Amaterasu why?

“We need to find him before…” Fugaku leaned in with a nervous expression. “Before Mikoto finds out.”

Shisui paled. “Oh no. Sir with all due respect, I think it’s Itachi you should be worried about.”

Fugaku grimace and his expression soured greatly. “Right.”

Shisui nodded. “Best get started. Now if I was a five year old menac-”

Fugaku whipped his head and glared at him pointedly.

Shisui cleared his throat. "Er I mean delight! If I was a five year old delight, where would I go?”

Chapter 7: Seven

Chapter Text

The man gazed ahead with dark eyes as he leaped from tree to tree in rapid speed. His partner was a few steps behind him, silent and a steady presence. The pale man pursed his lips in irritation, gazing at the familiar Hashirama trees.

He was not fond of being in the Land of Fire.

It was a simple mission. A quick assassination of a merchant competitor delivered by a rich client. He would be back in Ame in no time. He would have rejected the mission but the others were preoccupied - something about acquiring a new explosive recruit. The responsibility had fallen to him and his partner. The nin donned his perfect disguise and reached the camp of the merchants. He smirked at the guards posted at the large, extravagant tent.

“Do I do the honours this time or would you prefer to test your new poisons?” He drawled in a sibilant tone as he turned to regard his partner.

The teen landed silently on the branches and gazed at the camp with a neutral gaze. He flexed his fingers and his puppet soared forth, diving into the camp in one fluid move. The lethal poisoned darts dove at the unsuspecting civilians and his partner leapt into the fray.

The Snake Sannin rolled his eyes and watched the chaos erupt as Akasuna No Sasori wiped the camp clean of all its inhabitants. The silence descended on the clearing and Orochimaru landed soundlessly on the ground.

Sasori stood in the centre of the clearing, bodies laying dormant around him. He watched the bodies as they turned purple and black with a narrowed gaze. The men were frothing at the mouth and their eyes lost their light. They were dead in under four minutes. The younger nin tsked under his breath and glared in offence at the corpses.

“Too long,” he intoned in a low voice.

Orochimaru smiled in amusem*nt at his partner’s impatience. “Perhaps up the dosage next time?” He commented as he checked the bodies for any salvageable goods.

Sasori glared at him and turned on his heel, dragging a dead corpse for dissection. Orochimaru smiled pleasantly, watching as his partner ran his tests, slicing through the man’s ribs easily with his chakra strings.

The snake sannin moved through the bodies, inspecting them curiously. Boring. Civilian bodies were such an utter bore. The nin paused as the hisses of his summons drew closer. He smiled and reached out a pale hand, beckoning the young snake forth.

Yuki was a youngling snake and he was learning how to spy and gather information on his own. He was doing remarkably well so far. Orochimaru was very proud of him. The snake slithered up his arm and it stared at him with intelligent eyes.

“Orochimaru-sama, I have good news.” The snake hissed eagerly.

“Oh?”

Orochimaru smiled pleasantly.

He loved good news.

Uchiha Sasuke scowled as he trudged through the muddy trail. Ugh rain. The world hated him. He was tired and hungry and wet. He was so wet, it was gross. His clothes stuck to him like second skin. His tiny legs hurt and his little body throbbed and trembled from the cold. He hated how stupidly weak his body was. He missed his broad shoulders and grand Joestar muscles.

He hated being a child.

Sasuke wiped the rain out of his cherubic face with a pout and pushed his wet bangs back. They flopped on his face with a defiant smack.

“Oh f*cking sh*t! Do you want me to cut you off? Is that it? Hah?”

The five year glared at his soaked dark locks and kept moving. His sandals were wet and they made gross squelching noises as he moved. It grated his ears. He needed a ride. He wanted a fast method of transportation. Walking was taking too long. Sasuke wanted someone to carry him far far away. He knew it wouldn’t be long before his overbearing father found the ugly doll. He would come for him. The prideful bastard wouldn’t want to lose his genius son.

“Dual affinities.” Sasuke sneered as he trudged past the mud. “Well f*ck you too Fugaku! I don’t want to be exceptional. I want retirement.”

The child moved through the bushes and he groaned in annoyance as they struck his small face. He wiped the thin cuts with wet hands and splashed onto the main road. He peered ahead, frowning at the path. Oh sh*t. He was lost. Sasuke took off his backpack and pulled out the soiled map. It was wet and unclear. He frowned at the unclear muddled images with a pout.

“What’s the fastest way out of the Land of Fire?” He wondered with a frown.

“Well, that would be not through this route surely.” A gruff voice intoned.

Sasuke whipped his head upwards and his eyes widened. f*ck. He had been too preoccupied with the map and he was surrounded. A group of ruffians circled him, smirking evilly as they eyed his small vulnerable form with glee.

“Aren’t you too far away from home bochan?”

Sasuke scowled. “f*ck off you worm.”

The man cackled and his goonies joined in his laughter. Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched in irritation. He was wet. He was hungry. His feet hurt. His whole body hurt. He was tired. He wanted to get as far away from Konoha as possible. Those bastards will suffer. The child scowled and dropped his bag in the mud. He cracked his knuckles and glared ahead at the men. He counted them - one, two, three, four, five, six - He grinned viciously and inclined his head forward.

“Die you f*ckers! Ora ora ora ora ora!”

The men were sent careening into the trees. Star Platinum rained heavy vicious punches on their large forms. The snapping of bones and agonized screams filled the clearing. The trees broke under the impact and Sasuke grinned maliciously as the scum were reduced to broken, bloodied heaps. He stared at the desecrated woods and his dark eyes lit up in satisfaction.

“My my, it isn’t everyday that I see something so peculiar,” an amused voice drawled from behind him.

Sasuke whirled around with wide eyes. A tall pale man with long raven hair and an amused smile stood behind him. On the tree behind him, a large man with a black mask and hunched figure stood eying him with a dark gaze. They both wore dark cloaks with red patterns.

Sasuke scrutinized them curiously.

He hadn’t sensed them or heard them coming.

“What do you want?” He asked impatiently.

The rain continued falling hard.

The pale man raised his hands in a universal sign of peace.

“I come with peaceful intentions. These roads are quite dangerous for one travelling alone.” His smile stretched. “I heard you say you’re looking for a way out of the Land of Fire. We happen to be leaving as well. Would you like to accompany us?”

Sasuke scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Right. Give me one reason why I should follow two creepy dudes I know nothing about.”

The man continued smiling serenely. He hummed lowly and tapped a hand to his chin thoughtfully. “Well, we are going to Ame.”

His partner glared at the pale man.

Sasuke scowled. “More rain?!”

The man laughed. “Yes but our place is dry. You can come with us and stay there if you like. I’m sure you’re fine on your own but it’s quicker to travel with talented folks.”

Sasuke scoffed. “I hate shinobi and all the stupid villages. Hard pass.”

The man grinned. “Well we’re not exactly your typical shinobi. We’re missing-nin. We also are not fond of the system.”

Sasuke frowned and lowered his arms. Missing-nin? He scrunched his nose thoughtfully. He needed to get out of the Land of Fire. Ame was not exactly his destination. He didn’t really have a destination. He planned to wander until he found the ideal spot to retire. Hmm… It wouldn’t hurt to explore other options. As long as he was far far away from the sh*tcluster of the Uchiha Clan he was fine.

He wasn’t foolish to follow the whims of a random stranger. He could always stop time and Ora their asses to the next life. He had options. Fast transportation was appreciated though. The f*ckers also looked strong and confident. He could have them work as his unpaid guards since the creepy pale one was very eager.

“Fine. But I’ll leave if I don’t like it.”

The man’s eyes lit up and they changed from pale blue to an unnerving yellow. He stepped forward and knelt down in front of him. He offered a pale hand.

“I’m Orochimaru.”

Sasuke grabbed his hand and shook it with a fierce scowl.

“Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke.”

The man grinned. “The pleasure is mine, Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Hn.”

Chapter 8: Eight

Chapter Text

VIII.

The rain pelted heavily through the large vicinity. The group travelled quickly. They left the Land of Fire and made their way through nondescript roads, taking alternate paths and weaving through civilian villages. They reached Amegakure in record speed. The Snake Sannin made his way to their hidden lair, passing through the large doors with a spring to his steps.

Orochimaru was in a good mood, a very good mood.

The small child slept during most of their travel journey. Sasori was quiet and brooding under his mask. Orochimaru was glad his partner didn’t attempt to poison the child as he slept. Small steps. It was a tiny improvement. He considered it great progress with the puppeteer. The missing-nin weaved through the long halls and darkened corridors with familiarity. He had to report directly to Leader and Konan-san.

Orochimaru knocked on the office door and waited patiently. Sasori was silent. He entered as he was granted permission. Orochimaru entered the vast room and smiled serenely at Leader and his partner. Pein sat in his large chair, reading over documents. He didn’t raise his head. Orochimaru stalked forward, passing Konan the completed mission scroll. The kunoichi nodded and marked it off her clipboard.

Orochimaru smiled and turned on his heel, ready to leave.

“Wait,” Konan intoned. “Orochimaru. What is that on your back?”

Orochimaru clicked his tongue in irritation. Damn it, the perceptive woman. The nin turned around and smiled innocently. “Hmm?”

Konan narrowed her eyes.

Leader paused his frantic scribbling and raised his head.

“Is that a child?”

“Is that a trick question Konan-san?”

The kunoichi stepped forward with a no-nonsense look. Orochimaru’s shoulders slumped in defeat. He reached behind him and undid the bundle on his back. He lifted the sleeping kid up by the armpits for the two nin to see. Konan blinked slowly. Leader remained expressionless.

“Orochimaru. What did we say about conducting experiments in our hideout. It’s-”

“Konan-san, he’s alive!” The Sannin protested. “I swear he’s not an experiment.”

“Then what is he?” She demanded with narrowed eyes.

Orochimaru smiled and his yellow eyes brightened. “Oh, I was hoping he’d be our newest recruit.”

Silence.

“You can’t possibly-”

“He has abilities. Rare abilities.” Sasori intoned impatiently.

Orochimaru’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He grinned at his partner who glared at him.

Konan blinked slowly.

Leader leaned forward.

“Let’s have a meeting. The latest recruit will arrive soon.” Pein intoned.

Orochimaru grinned. “Understood Danna.”

The snake sannin turned on his heel and-

“Leave the child here.” Konan ordered.

Orochimaru bit back his murderous rage and channelled a saccharine smile. He lowered the sleeping kid on the couch and turned back with an innocent gaze.

“Dismissed.” Leader intoned.

Uchiha Sasuke groaned and turned on his side. His long lashes fluttered softly and he blinked up in confusion at the bright light. He scowled and sat up with an irked huff. The five year old rubbed his tiny hands against his sleepy eyes and he gazed around him in confusion. He had slept most of the way to Ame. The extensive travel had exhausted his small body and he required lots of sleep to replenish his energy.

Sasuke blinked at the large office room. There was an orange haired man sitting at a desk, reading through a number of scrolls with a blank expression.

“You’re awake,” a soft voice intoned.

Sasuke gazed towards the voice and he blinked in confusion. A pale woman with short violet hair gazed at him with an expressionless face. Sasuke gazed at her attire - a long black cloak with red swirls - The teammate of the two creeps from before. She didn’t seem super creepy though.

Sasuke scowled and rubbed his eyes.

“Am I in Ame?”

“Yes.” She responded.

“Good.” Sasuke huffed, tossing his body back on the couch. He rolled on his side, getting comfortable.

“We are having a meeting soon with the rest of the members. Orochimaru wishes to recruit you.”

Sasuke scowled. Right, the creepy yellow eyed one was called Orochimaru. What a f*cking long ass name. He was going to shorten it to Oro.

“He said you were all missing-nin.” Sasuke commented as he inspected his fingernails idly.

A pause.

“Yes. And you?”

“I left Konoha. It’s sh*t, my clan is full of whining bitches who think they're superior because they have fancy eyes. It got old real quick so I left.”

The man lowered his scroll and gazed towards him. “Konoha? What clan are you from?”

“The Uchiha Clan.” Sasuke scowled. “The stupid clan head is my old man.”

“How old are you?” The woman intoned.

Sasuke raised five fingers. “Five. But don’t underestimate me, I can kick your ass.”

Silence.

“Right.” The woman intoned dryly. "Well, we’re having our meeting now. Come along kid.”

Sasuke scowled. Best get this sh*t over with. He wanted a warm bed and a long nap. Sleeping was so peaceful. They better give him a nice bedroom. Sasuke trotted after the woman and orange haired man. Both were silent. He liked that. He hated sociable bitches who never shut up. Those nin knew what’s up. He could see himself spending time in their presence. He preferred the silence.

Sasuke was led to a large meeting room with large thick chairs and a long table that stretched for a few meters. Grand. It was f*cking grand. Big ass chandelier and all that sh*t. Weird. He didn’t think missing-nin cared much for grandeur. Hmm, the place was looking better and better. Something told him the beds would be superior to his stupid futon. Things were looking good. The child trotted inside after the pair and scowled up at the chair.

It was too high.

Noises grew closer, screams and angry curses. What the f*ck?

The door slammed open and a masked man stalked inside with a deranged look. He was carrying a screaming decapitated head. He threw the head against the wall with a scowl and took a seat with an irked huff. What the f*ck?

The screaming head hit the wall and it landed on the ground, screeching bloody murder and sacrifice. The door flew open a second time and the creepy yellow eyed man entered with a pretty red haired teen. The teen gazed at the screeching head dismissively and took a seat near the leader silently. The yellow eyed man gazed around searchingly with an impatient gaze.

“Oi, over here Oro,” Sasuke intoned from his spot on the ground.

All these f*ckers were too tall.

Orochimaru grinned upon seeing him and knelt down. He picked him up from the armpits and put him on the high chair. Sasuke grunted and stood on the chair. If he sat down he couldn’t see sh*t.

“What. The. f*ck. Is. That?” The man from earlier questioned as he glared at him.

Sasuke sneered back at him.

“Kakuzu, cease.” The orange haired man intoned expressionlessly.

The masked man scowled and bristled in his chair angrily. The screaming head was silent for a moment before it began screeching about children sacrifices and young blood with a mad-like gleam. Sasuke scowled and jumped off his chair. The f*cker was annoying him. The group watched as he trotted over to the silver haired head and kicked it hard with a vindictive glare.

The head sailed and the screeching intensified.

“I WILL KILL YOU! JASHIN-SAMA WILL HAVE YOUR BLOOD!”

“Shut the f*ck up! You’re so damn noisy!” Sasuke yelled, waving an angry fist in the air.

“Uh…” A voice intoned from the door. “Am I… seeing things or did a child… just kick Hidan in the face…?”

Sasuke turned and he saw a ten foot tall large blue skinned man at the door. He blinked in confusion. Weird. The f*cker was the strangest looking one but he appeared to be the sanest. Hmm… Food for thought. A blond hair kid shoved his way past the the blue skinned man with a scowl.

“Is this the meeting room, yeah? It’s not what I expected, yeah? Haah! Who the f*ck are you?!” He yelled, glaring at Sasuke accusingly.

Sasuke glared back and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m the latest recruit, bitch.”

The blond sputtered in offence. “No! I’m the new recruit, yeah? What is this?!” He stomped his foot angrily.

“Tobi is CONFUSED!” A distressed voice whined as a masked man entered the room. He peered down at him and waved his arms around, flailing like a moron.

“JASHIN-SAMA WANTS BLOOD! MORE CHILDREN!”

“I will sell this kid. Would I make more if I sold him whole or in parts? Kid are your organs healthy?”

“No one is selling my child!”

“I’m not your child Oro! We just MET you freak!”

“You hurt my feelings Sasuke-chan."

“If you guys don’t shut the f*ck up in the next second, I will poison all of you, children included.”

“I’m not a child yeah?! I’M TEN!”

“TOBI IS CONFUSED!”

“JASHIN-SAMA WILL BE PLEASED BY THE BLOOD OF CHILDREN! HE WILL-”

“SHUT THE f*ck UP!” Sasuke bellowed as he whirled on the irritating severed head. He took a menacing step forward and threw his hand forward.

“STAR! KILL THIS LITTLE BITCH! ORA ORA ORA ORAAAAAAAA!”

“I won’t be outdone yeah?! WITNESS MY ART YEAH?! EXPLOSIONSSSSSSSS!”

Chaos descended on the meeting room and the explosions filled the vicinity. The two new recruits went wild. One threw lethal punches at the severed head while the other created clay spiders and tossed them haphazardly with a maniacal grin. Screams echoed in the room as the walls broke from the violent impacts. Smoke filled the area and the rest of the members joined in the fray, cursing and fighting amongst each other.

The leader of the organization sat back and watched the chaos with an expressionless face.

His new recruits were going to be the most troublesome.

Chapter 9: Nine

Chapter Text

IX.

-Ki-

-sa-

-me-

-Ki-

-sa

-me-

The missing-nin frowned in confusion and he gazed around searchingly. Was someone calling him? Hoshigaki Kisame gazed behind him and in front of him in puzzlement. He whirled around on the spot and shook his head in bewilderment. The strange sound continued, sounding upset and impatient.

“KI-SA-ME!”

The missing-nin gazed downwards and he blinked in surprise. A tiny pale child stood with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring up at him angrily. Kisame blinked slowly. Right. It was their newest recruit, Orochimaru’s little discovery. Kisame smiled unsurely. He wasn’t familiar with children. He wasn’t around them much and his policy was to avoid them at all cost. They were whiny, they released fluids from their noses and other places, they cried often. They were overall little menaces he wanted nothing to do with. In other words, they were disgusting.

The nin blinked down at the pale kid. He was so damn small. He had no idea what Orochimaru was thinking. Heck, he had no idea what possessed Leader to agree. The explosive blond brat was already a handful. Kisame shuddered. He really hoped he wasn’t his partner. He had no partner and the two new recruits were either going to be with him or…Tobi? No, Tobi was an idiot. He was only useful for cooking and cleaning around the base. It was best he remained without a partner. There was also Zetsu but the plant creep was always missing, somewhere planting and harvesting things and being an overall freak of nature.

“KI-SA-ME!”

Kisame blinked down at the kid. Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke. The brat had a name. The child raised his tiny arms upwards and glared at him expectantly. The nin stared. What?! What did he want?

“UP!” Sasuke hissed impatiently.

Oh f*cking hell.

He was going to kill Orochimaru.

Kisame was a peaceful, calm and collected man. But at times his patience was tested. He was tested when they sent him out to get the explosive blond. The brat - he had a name - Deidara had ran away from him, screeching and throwing clay spiders at him from a distant. Explosive clay spiders.

This wasn’t the life he envisioned for himself when he committed a slaughter on his own people. The life of a missing-nin was supposed to be different. Kisame bit back an indigent groan and stared down at the scowling child. The missing-nin leaned forward and uncomfortably lifted the brat up. He was so damn tiny! All chubby cheeks and tiny little fingers and tiny little toes. He was a pale little thing with a stack of gravity-defying locks. Kisame hated kids but the kid was cute. In a childish way. The nin lowered the boy on the table warily. It was early morning. Breakfast time.

He was in the communal kitchen, enjoying a cup of hot tea when the brat interrupted him. The brat whirled around in a circle, peering around him with a narrowed gaze. His onyx eyes landed on him and he assessed him up and down critically. Kisame did not shuffle his feet. He would not shuffle awkwardly under the gaze of a childish menace. The nin crossed his arms over his chest and gazed at the kid patiently.

“So I heard you don’t have a partner,” the kid drawled.

Kisame swallowed.

Oh f*ck no.

The kid continued uncaringly. He lifted four tiny chubby fingers and scrunched his nose distastefully. “The blond moron yeah? A plant, a full-blown idiot and you, those are my options.”

The child began pacing on the table, his arms crossed behind his back and he sniffed haughtily.

He stopped abruptly and pointed at him with a tiny finger. “I choose you Kisame.”

Kisame felt a trickle of cold sweat run down his back. This was turning out to be a very bad day.

Leader lifted his head and he blinked slowly as he heard the loud stomping of feet in the hallway. His door was thrown open disrespectfully and he gazed ahead blankly at the group of nin that pushed one another, trying to enter his office all at once. Leader heard Konan sigh from her place on the couch and he turned his indifferent gaze towards the kunoichi. The woman stood up, brushing her robe with elegant fingers and walked towards the group of miscreants.

Pein watched as she stopped in front of the Snake Sannin with a pointed look. She pulled the scowling child out of his arms and turned on her heel, making her way towards him. Konan deposited Sasuke on his desk and Pein blinked slowly at the scowling child.

“Danna!” Orochimaru cried out as he elbowed Tobi in the stomach roughly.

Tobi wheezed and fell down with an undignified yelp. He landed flat on his face and began to omit broken sounds on the ground.

“Why does Kisame get Sasuke-chan as his partner?” Orochimaru glared. “I was the one who found him!” The missing-nin looked a second away from stomping his foot like a petulant child.

Pein blinked slowly.

“Tobi has no partners!” Tobi wailed from the ground as he kicked his arms and legs upward. “Tobi wants a partner! Tobi hates being alone! Wahhhh!”

“I thought the sharkman was my partner, yeah?! Why did I not get picked, yeah?! This little bitch is stealing my spotlight, yeah?!”

Pein gazed at Kisame for an explanation.

Kisame sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I had no say in the matter Danna.”

“Oi Cheeto Head, I want Kisame as my partner.” The kid drawled from his spot in front of him.

Pein gazed down at his paperwork. The kid tracked little muddy footprints on his documents. Pein reached a hand forward and pushed the kid gently off his papers. The Uchiha grumbled and perched on the edge of his desk, dark eyes peering curiously at the documents. He leaned forward into his personal space, small head staring down at the assassination requests.

“Oho, who is it for?”

Pein paused.

He peered at the five year old. He raised his gaze to Konan who shrugged. His gazed at the gathered crowd at the door and sought out Kisame’s gaze. Pein tapped his finger thoughtfully on his desk. The kid leaned closer and his dark locks brushed against his nose.

Pein made up his mind. He handed his new recruit the papers.

“Kisame, Sasuke. Your first mission.”

The kid crossed his ankles together and narrowed his gaze, reading over the papers hurriedly. The pale child smirked vindictively and he cracked his knuckles.

“Oho, an assassination mission for the leader of a trafficking ring. I can’t wait!” He chirped excitedly, standing up eagerly and he bounced on his toes. "It's going to be so much fun!"

Kisame cleared his throat. “Danna-sama, are you sure?”

Pein nodded. “Yes. See how well you both work together.”

Orochimaru made a pained noise at the back of his throat. Deidara hissed in rage while Tobi flailed from his spot on the ground. Kisame sighed and nodded acceptingly. He peered down at the kid who gazed at him expectantly. Pein watched as the Uchiha child raised his arms expectantly and hollered Ki - Sa - Me!

Kisame grumbled under his breath and stepped forward, plucking the child up with one hand. He rested the kid on his shoulder and grabbed the mission scroll with a resigned gaze. Sasuke snickered from his spot on the man’s broad shoulders and he babbled excitedly about broken bones and Ora Ora Ora punches.

Pein watched the pair as they left his office. He ignored the indignant cries and complaints of protests, turning back to his documents dismissively.

Sarutobi Hiruzen lifted his gaze from his documents and a concerned frown marred his wizened face as the sounds of protests filtered outside his office door. The voice was distressed and familiar. The door was pushed open and his eyes widened at his unexpected guests. Uchiha Fugaku elbowed an ANBU operative roughly in the stomach and turned to him with wild eyes.

Sarutobi blinked in bewilderment and he inhaled desperately from his pipe. He needed tobacco to handle the sh*tstorm coming. Uchiha Shisui shuffled inside with a guilty disposition and he gave him a shaky smile and an even shakier bow. Sarutobi’s eyes widened, his alarm bells grew louder and louder. Something was wrong.

“Hokage-sama!” Fugaku spoke as he rushed forward, slamming his hands on his desk with wide eyes. “I request a leave of absence from the village, a very long leave of absence! Preferably for life!”

Hiruzen choked on his pipe. He pressed a hand to his chest and patted himself a few times. ANBU operatives landed in the office and they circled around the two Uchihas with hostile intentions. Shisui hissed like an angry cat and his eyes bled into his sharingan. Hiruzen recognized ANBU Inu in the group and he raised his eyes to the heavens, praying for patience.

His guard today had to be the most unstable ANBU in all of Konoha. Hiruzen raised a hand.

“Cease ANBU.”

The Hokage lowered his pipe and stared at the Uchiha Clan Head with a frown. “Look Fugaku-san, I know we’ve had our differences and things are not…” He grimaced. “…The best for your clan but surely we can talk this out and-”

“No!” Fugaku cried out. “I must leave this instance Hokage-sama. With your permission of course, its a life or death matter! Seriously a life or death matter, if I stay in this village until sundown I will perish.”

Hiruzen’s eyes widened. What?! Surely Danzo wouldn’t-

“I must disappear before my wife or son come home! Hokage-sama, there will be no Uchiha Clan Head if I stay and- well I’m not running away but I want to find the little bas- delightful terror, I mean ray of sunshine and I have searched tirelessly and the clock is ticking and Mikoto will be home and I-” He wheezed, turning red in the face.

Hiruzen blinked.

Never in his sixty+ years of existence had he seen such undignified behaviour. The Hokage leaned forward. “I beg your pardon? You need to leave because…because of your wife and-”

“He lost his son!” Shisui blurted out.

Hiruzen’s eyes widened.

Fugaku whirled around and hissed like an indignant cat. Shisui backed away slowly with his hands raised imploringly. ANBU Inu snorted loudly. Hiruzen needed a drink. The Hokage ran a hand over his face and stared in disbelief at his esteemed clan head and young prodigy.

“So let me get my facts straight. You are requesting a leave of absence to go search for your son, who is currently not in the village, and you are requesting to leave effective immediately before your wife and first son find out?”

Fugaku gulped. “N-no.”

Hiruzen narrowed his eyes.

Fugaku looked away with a guilty disposition. “M-maybe.”

ANBU Inu snorted.

“I- I mean not exactly. I want to leave effective immediately to go find him. He couldn’t have gotten far, he didn’t exactly leave a note but he did leave this-” Fugaku pulled a horrid ugly disfigured doll out and placed it on the table.

Hiruzen stared.

He blinked at the carved words on the dolls forehead. He read it out-loud with a confused frown.

“Bye bitches?” He echoed. “Your son left and wrote Bye bitches on… this doll? Wait…why is it stabbed through the heart?”

ANBU Inu wheezed.

Fugaku sputtered. “I…I don’t know! All I know is I must find him! Sasuke-kun is a menace but …well he is a lovable one!”

“Right.” Hiruzen spoke dryly.

Fugaku sucked at parenting.

Shisui snorted.

Hiruzen sighed heavily.

“Very well. But I don’t think I can let you go alone. It would be faster with our best trackers.” The Hokage gazed expectantly at ANBU Inu.

“Inu, your new mission. Find and bring back…”

“Uchiha Sasuke,” Shisui offered with an amused smile.

Hatake Kakashi stepped forward and bowed deeply. “Understood Hokage-sama.”

Shisui stepped forward. “Hokage-sama, if I may join the search as well…”

Hiruzen stared.

Shisui began sweating profusely. “Itachi is due back…tonight and…” His voice cracked. “I’d like to live to see sixteen Sir.”

Hiruzen sighed. “Very well. You three may leave, immediately.”

“Hai Hokage-sama!”

Hiruzen shook his head and watched as they all sunshined out of his office. He rolled his chair around and peered at the line of pictures on the walls - all the brilliant kages of the past stared down at him from their painted images - He gazed at them with a sardonic smile.

He would bet his liver that they never had to deal with such a hot mess.

Chapter 10: Ten

Chapter Text

X.

The dark haired child stared down curiously at the tall, blue skinned man as the missing-nin leaped from tree to tree at a neck-breaking speed. The child jabbed a pale finger in his partner’s neck curiously and he hummed under his breath as the man swatted away his small hands. Uchiha Sasuke leaned forward from his spot on the missing-nin’s shoulder and stared at the man’s blue skin.

“Ne ne, what type of marine creature are you?” He inquired curiously.

Kisame frowned and peered at him curiously. “What? I’m a shark.”

Sasuke nodded and he scrunched his nose. “I know that, but what breed? What kind of shark? Megamouth shark? Hammerhead shark? Thresher shark? Blue Shark? Hmm, you kinda look like the Great White Shark but your complexion is a little different.” He poked his finger into the missing-nin’s cold cheek experimentally.

“You’re also cold like an aquatic animal. Ne, how do you breath? Do you have gills? I don’t see any. Are they under your clothes?” Sasuke leaned forward and jabbed a finger under the nin’s eyes. “Ne, are those lines under your eyes gills? Do you breathe through them? What happens if I press down on them?”

The kid reached forward and pressed his hands to the nin’s eyes. Kisame squawked in alarm and stopped abruptly on a thick tree branch. Sasuke huffed in irritation as he was grabbed by the scruff and heaved up in the air. He glowered at his partner as his feet dangled in the air. He peered downwards and scowled. It was a high drop. He turned his gaze to Kisame and glared menacingly. The f*cker better not be planning on dropping him. The missing-nin sighed and wrapped an arm around his small body, securing him in his hold.

“Look brat, ask your questions later. Right now I’m trying to focus.”

Sasuke pouted and crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. “But I’m a scientist! I must find answers!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up indignantly.

Kisame smirked down at him and flicked his forehead reproachfully. Sasuke bit down vindictively on the nin’s thick, muscular arm. The bastard chuckled at his antics and began moving, picking up his pace hurriedly. Sasuke sulked in his arms and he scrunched his nose in disappointment.

“I’m so going to regret this,” Kisame muttered quietly.

Sasuke perked up and gazed up at the sharkman with wide eyes. Kisame rolled his eyes and smiled down at him unsurely.

“Alright little scientist, one question at a time. What do you want to know?”

Sasuke’s eyes gleamed excitedly and he released a torrent of questions all at once.

The two missing-nin perched on the thick boulder and surveyed the hidden corrupt village. Sasuke narrowed his eyes in dismay as he eyed the destitute structures and sunken face civilians. Mist was a dystopian nightmare. His partner was quiet, his dark eyes gazed ahead.

“I use to be a mist-nin.” Kisame confessed with a smirk.

Sasuke scrunched his nose in distaste. “Do you hold any affection for it?”

Kisame turned to him with a sharp and feral grin. “f*ck no.” He confessed truthfully.

Sasuke grinned vindictively and cracked his knuckles. “What do you say we raise hell before we kill the bitch, partner?”

Kisame smirked, his dark eyes glinted wickedly. “I approve of your choices, partner.”

Sasuke cackled and rolled up his sleeves. He grabbed a hold of Kisame’s collar tightly as the man leapt over the shrouded walls with ease. They moved quickly, keeping to the alleyways. Sasuke stared hatefully ahead at the debilitated village. It was an ugly wretched place. His knuckles itched to destroy the f*ckers - all shinobi villages were bad business - they needed to be purged. The entire system was seven levels of f*cked up. Kisame pulled off his massive sword and leapt into an open clearing, descending madly on a group of unsuspecting nin.

Sasuke laughed as the nin unsheathed their blades and met the unhinged sharkman. Kisame laughed as he cut down the men, sending them catapulting into the buildings and rotten structures. Sasuke slipped away from the destruction undetected, making his way through the destitute village. His dark eyes read the map given to him by Leader carefully. He peered up at the structures and he smirked darkly.

A human trafficking rink.

Kisame created a foul proof plan and Sasuke was all game.

The child adopted an innocent disposition and scrunched his pale face in an expression of confusion and distress. He channeled his inner Joestar acting skills, a skillset handed down to him by his grandfather Joseph Joester. Sasuke walked by the large building that housed the owner of the trafficking rink. The guards stationed at the door gazed at him with narrowed eyes. One smiled evilly - he was an ugly f*cker with a heavily scarred face - and he knelt down in front of him with a fake image of sincerity.

“Kid, you lost? How about your come with us?”

Sasuke hiccuped and his dark eyes welled up with false tears. “I can’t find my mum…” He looked around him. “We were together but a scary blue man began attacking the centre of the village…” He wiped his red eyes with his tiny fists. “Will you help me find my mum?”

The nin exchanged eager looks and they nodded. The ugly one stepped forward and grabbed a hold of his elbow, tugging him forward into the building. The five year old trotted after the guard with a distressed face, hiccuping quietly. He walked past the high security easily and was led deeper and deeper into the structures. He was led down long spiralling stairs. The light grew dimmer and he heard the sounds of groans and pained cries. The large metal doors opened slowly - pure steel - and he was led inside.

His dark eyes widened at the sight. A number of people were locked in caged cells. Their forms were emaciated and they stared at his tiny form with mounting horror and pity. The door slammed shut behind him and he heard the sound of the locks churning, sealing him inside. A robust man with a thick beard and gut stepped forward. He was wearing long garish robes and he held a goblet of wine in his stubby hand. He peered down at his small form and his eyes lit up in greed.

“Kid, what’s your name?”

Sasuke tilted his head to the side innocently. “Uchiha.” He spoke in a low tone. “Uchiha Sasuke.”

The man’s eyes brightened and he grinned wide and anticipatory. “My, an Uchiha, the clan of the legendary dojutsu. You will fetch a lovely price.”

“B-But…my mom,” Sasuke wondered with wide eyes.

The men cackled ominously. “Kid, you’ll never see your mother again.”

Sasuke’s innocent expression dropped abruptly and he ran a hand through his gravity-defying locks. “Thank f*ck for that, the bitch is crazy and I’m good never seeing her ugly mug again.”

The men gaped at him. Sasuke stepped back from the guard, pulling his arm away with a grunt. He peered at the confinement cells and he circled around the iron bars. He pressed a finger to the bars and he smirked darkly.

“Iron, well they cannot escape iron, surely, there isn’t a way.” He spoke mockingly.

“There isn’t! Get him in one of the cages! This iron has been fashioned by - WHAT THE f*ck?!” The man screeched.

The sound of the iron bending its form resonated through the vicinity. Sasuke held the bars in his hands and he pulled them apart with Star’s aid. The iron bent under his hands and he created a large gap in the cells. He grinned at the gaping and shocked captives.

“Yo bitches!” He greeted with a smirk. “Anyone up for some revenge on these f*ckers?”

The captives snarled and they raced out the cells with feral intentions. The robust man screeched in terror and the guard pulled out his sword. Sasuke tsked under his breath and waved a hand to Star.

“Kill him.” He ordered airily.

Star Platinum sailed forward and went wild on the guard’s body. His body convulsed in the air as the punches landed on him - ORA ORA ORA ORA - The sound of broken bones and agonized screams filled the space. The man fell to the ground in a mangled heap and Sasuke sneered down at him hatefully. He kicked him in the face and sent his body flying into the cell. He turned to the remaining cages and went around methodically bending the iron with his bare hands. His stand hovered above him, bending the bars with his silent command.

The enslaved and captive civilians ran out of the cells with happy relieved cries. They hovered around and cheered, picking up his small body and tossed him up and down in the air.

“Our saviour! Our saviour! Uchiha Sasuke! Our saviour! Our saviour!”

Sasuke scowled in annoyance and barked at the men, women and children to release him. They lowered him down with tears streaming down their haggard and weary faces. The leader of the trafficking ring wheezed from his spot on the ground. The blood gushed down his face and he glared at the kid hatefully.

“You may have won but there is no way out! Those doors will not unlock without my command! I WILL NEVER COMMAND IT! YOU WILL ALL ROT HERE! HA HA I WIN LOSERSSSS!”

Sasuke arched an unimpressed eyebrow.

“You may have bent iron but the door is infused with diamond and steel. It is unbreakable, Uchiha Sasuke.”

Sasuke smirked darkly and he stepped towards the door confidently. He glanced over his shoulder at the people gathered gazing at him with hope and desperation. Sasuke took a deep breath and he flexed his fingers.

“Star Platinum! Give me your strongest ORA!” Sasuke raised his fists and he ran towards the doors with an enraged cry.

He slammed his fists into the door - ORA ORA ORA ORAAAAAA- The doors smashed into bits under his punches and the steel broke with a groan. The people cheered loudly, sobbing and rejoicing at their freedom. The ring leader choked on his breath and he withered on the ground from severe shock. Sasuke ignored his flailing form and made his way through the rubble.

He grinned sharply as he saw his partner leaning against the wall with a satisfied smirk.

“Yo little scientist, all done here?”

Sasuke grinned and walked over to the man, raising his arms expectantly. Kisame rolled his eyes and picked him up, resting him on his shoulder.

“All done partner,” Sasuke smirked, gazing down at the freed people.

Sasuke saluted them with a small grin and they waved at him, cheering loudly as they exited the desecrated building. The pair walked through Mist village, weaving through the dark alleys with an unhurried gait. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and stared ahead curiously. He tugged on Kisame’s ear with a frown.

“Wait, Kisame, stop.”

“What? Why? Do we need to kill more bitches?”

“What’s that?” Sasuke pointed at the snowy bridge.

The small child climbed down his partner’s arm and leapt from large bicep. Kisame stared at him in confusion and Sasuke ignored him, making his way towards the large bridge curiously. On the bridge sat a lone child in rags, shivering and staring listlessly into the snow. He was pale with long brown hair. A girl? No. Sasuke stepped forward with narrowed eyes. The child’s head shot up and he stared at him with wide eyes. The kid peered behind him at Kisame and his brown eyes filled with trepidation.

Sasuke stared into the brown orbs and he rolled his eyes with a groan. He recognized those eyes. They were the eyes of a kid with a serious tragic background story. f*ck. There were many of them in this messed up world.

“Oi,” Sasuke scowled as he stepped forward. “What the f*ck are you doing out here in the cold?”

The kid stared at him for a long moment. “I…” His voice cracked from disuse. “I got nowhere to go…” He whispered sadly.

“Oi,” Kisame drawled from behind him. “We don’t have time for this.”

Sasuke ignored his partner. There was something familiar about the brat.

“Are you a monster or some sh*t?”

The deal with those kids is that they were always labelled as monsters by those around him. Sasuke remembered a stupidly loud blond with the same eyes. Lost, broken, bereft of everything. Sasuke wasn’t a hero or saviour but there was something about those f*cked up kids that rubbed him in the wrong way.

The boy nodded slowly and raised his hands warily. He morphed a small ice flower in his palms and he stared at the two of them in fear and anxiety. Sasuke grinned wide and he stepped forward, offering the kid a hand.

“Yo bitch, want to join a group of psychos and turn the shinobi world upside down?”

The kid’s eyes widened and he stared at him in disbelief. Sasuke scowled. “There is food and shelter. The bitches are insane but hey, they won’t murder you…maybe on a good day. Although one bitch will try to sell you, another will poison you, another will try to sacrifice you, one is creep who will stare at you with yellow eyes and try to adopt you-”

The kid’s eyes widened in mounting horror as Sasuke blabbed on.

“There is also the explosive bitch, steer clear of him. He’ll try to make you implode if he catches you unaware. Danna is cool, so is the expressionless lady, she’s terrifying actually. Oh there’s also some plant freak and the whiny, sobbing bitch. Oh and Sharkman here, he’s cool! Still trying to figure out his breed though, f*cking challenging.”

“Uh…partner, you’re not really selling this well.” Kisame noted with a hint of amusem*nt.

Sasuke turned back to the kid and sneered. “So, are you coming or not?” He demanded impatiently, wiggling his fingers.

“Oh by the way, I’m Uchiha Sasuke. I’m a missing-nin, left my home because my family sucks.”

The kid’s eyes grew wide. “My family sucks too.”

“Super.” Sasuke drawled. “We can bond over drinks. Share our sob stories or some crap. Come on kid, take my f*cking hand.”

The kid smiled and his eyes lit up as he took his small hand shakily. “Haku, my name is Haku.”

Sasuke grinned. “Hi Haku. Welcome to the Akatsuki. Cheer up bitch, you get a fancy cloak.”

Uchiha Sasuke scowled darkly at the tall figure who stood in front of the entrance, waving to him eagerly.

“Son! Welcome back! I was worried.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and dismounted from his partner’s large form, trudging forward with a scowl. Orochimaru smiled down at him pleasantly and he knelt down in front of him, inspecting his small body with careful fingers.

“No injuries?” He inquired softly.

Sasuke swatted his hands away with a glare. “None dad.”

Orochimaru grinned and stood up, dusting his robe. He peered curiously at their extra companion and his eyebrows rose dramatically.

“Oh? Sasuke-chan, who is your new friend?”

“Haku, ice wielder. Haku meet my not-dad Oro, Oro, meet the new recruit, Haku.”

Orochimaru smiled pleasantly and stepped forward, kneeling down in front of the emaciated child. “Are you from Mist?”

The kid nodded and ducked behind Sasuke shyly. The Uchiha rolled his eyes and grabbed his sleeve, tugging him into their headquarters. Sasuke weaved through the intricate halls with ease and made his way to Leader’s room. He threw the door open rudely and strolled in with a smirk.

“I’m back, Cheeto Head, Konan-san,” he nodded at each of them.

Pein lifted his head from his stack of papers. He blinked at the additional kid. He tapped his finger to the desk and stared at the pair unblinkingly. Konan pressed a hand to her face and heaved a heavy sigh. Orochimaru waltzed into the office humming softly, followed by an amused Kisame.

“Orochimaru, what did I say about the children? I will not condone-”

“Easy there Konan-san,” Sasuke intoned. “I brought him here as the new recruit.”

“New… recruit.” Pein repeated blankly.

Sasuke nodded. “You see our numbers are uneven. There’s not enough partners to go around plus Haku is talented. Plant creep, wailing bitch and explosive turd have no partners. We need a few more recruits to even out our odd numbers.”

Pein blinked.

Silence.

“Very well. Call another meeting Konan,” Pein drawled. “How old are you Haku?”

“Eight.” He spoke softly.

Konan hummed thoughtfully. “Close enough to Deidara, he’s ten. Very well, everyone to the meeting room. Orochimaru, go summon the others.”

“Why me?!”

Chapter 11: Eleven

Chapter Text

Eleven

Uchiha Itachi’s lips quirked upwards in anticipation as he saw the village gates. He picked up his speed and waved at the guards as he entered the hidden village of Konoha. He made his way through the rooftops, rushing to the Hokage Tower to submit his mission completion scroll. He entered the large building, weaving up the stairs with a small smile. He couldn’t wait to see his little brother. He missed his presence desperately. He abhorred taking outside missions because it kept him away from his dearest person.

Itachi knocked on the office door politely and nodded curtly at the secretary. The woman gave him a nervous smile and she looked away hurriedly. Itachi frowned at her unusual behaviour and entered as the door was opened by an ANBU operative. He bowed deeply to the leader of the village, depositing the mission scroll on the desk.

“I have completed my mission Hokage-sama,” he intoned in a low tone.

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared at him for a long silent moment. He took a large inhale from his pipe and nodded slowly. Itachi blinked as the silence stretched. The leader did not reach forward for the scroll and he continued staring at him with a strange expression.

“Thank you Itachi-kun.”

Itachi nodded and turned on his heel.

“Itachi-kun, where are you headed?” The Hokage asked.

Itachi paused. “Home?”

Why was Hokage-sama asking? Where else would he go? The leader sighed and nodded, dismissing him with a wave of his hand. Itachi bowed and turned on his heel, shunshining quickly through the village. He thought of his precious little brother and a soft smile stretched on his face. He couldn’t wait to see Sasuke. He wondered what small adventures his brother had undertaken during his absence. The eleven year old made his way to the Uchiha Compound and he rushed through the gates.

The guards stiffened as they saw him and they exchanged nervous glances.

Itachi blinked at the unusual behaviour.

“Is everything alright?” He asked.

The guards nodded hurriedly. “Yes sir!”

“Of course Itachi-sama! Everything is perfect!”

Itachi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The guards shrunk under his gaze. He rushed past them hurriedly. Something was off. He made his way quickly through the compound and the clansmen and women stared after him with concerned looks. Itachi’s heart thudded rapidly in his chest. Something was wrong. He peered around in concern, eyeing the stable and untouched structures of the compound. He picked up his pace, flashing to his home in neck-breaking speed. He landed on his front porch and surveyed the silent home curiously.

It was quiet.

Itachi’s eyes widened as he heard the sound of blades being sharpened. He opened the door and rushed inside with a thudding heart. His breath hitched at the waves of killing intent coming from inside his home. It was stifling and terrifying. Itachi took out his blades silently and made his way to the sound. He entered the kitchen and paused at the sight, staring ahead in bewilderment.

What?

His mother turned around slowly, gazing at him with a serene expression on her face as she sharpened her scythe. Itachi blinked at the sight of the unusual weapon. What in the world? His mother lifted her massive scythe and her dark eyes brightened upon seeing him. Itachi gulped as her smile stretched on her pale face. She was clad in combat clothing, dressed entirely in black layers. Her long hair was held in a thick intricate braid that fell down her back. Her hands were gloved and she wore a long black robe over her lean body. She lifted her massive scythe and stood up from the table.

She looked like the harbinger of death.

A shinigami.

“Son,” she spoke softly as she stepped forward. Her eyes bled into an ominous red.

Itachi wanted to step away back in fear but he grounded his feet to the wooden floors. “Yes mother?” He intoned hesitantly.

Uchiha Mikoto smiled, all teeth. “How do you feel about patricide?”

Itachi choked on air and his eyes widened in horror as his mother stared at him expectantly.

He had no answer to her unsettling inquiry.

The small eight year old made his way through the large training grounds with a nervous expression. He peered behind the large boulder searchingly and his brown eyes widened as he located his new partner. Haku smiled excitedly as he watched the explosive blond muttering angrily to himself as he blasted the boulders away. The eight year old stepped out from his hiding spot and made his way forward.

“Ano…” He began softly.

“Hah?! Who the f*ck are you, yeah?!”

Haku winced and he eyed the taller boy. He was blond with his long hair tied in a high ponytail. His hair covered half of his face and he was sneering at him from his spot on the ground. The ten year old was seated on the ground, molding clay objects in his small hands. He glared at him as he dug his fingers into his artistic creations. Haku smiled sweetly and stepped forward.

“Ano…Deidara-san, I heard you’re an artist.” He began softly.

The boy’s blue eyes widened and his guarded expression melted into a cheerful grin. “Yeah, I make sh*t explode yeah? Art is ephemeral and short-lived, yeah?”

Haku bounced on his feet excitedly. “I think so too!” He spoke honestly. “Look look!”

Haku pressed his palms together and created a crystallized ice flower. He handed it to the boy and joined him on the ground, sitting cross legged in front of him.

“I make art too. But because my art is in ice form it melts eventually. I think the beauty of art is that its short-lived, we have to capture it in a glimpse and then POOF its gone!” He gushed with an excited smile.

Deidara grinned brightly. “Yeah, look look! Me too! It’ll all go BOOM BOOM!” The blond clapped his hands together and made a small bird.

He raised his hands and the small bird flew upwards. It exploded in the sky, creating a flow of fireworks that painted the sky in an array of beautiful colours.

Haku’s eyes widened in awe. “Woah! That’s so cool! Ne ne can I call you senpai? Since you’re an artist with more seniority?”

The blond’s eyes widened and he nodded with a wide grin. He shot out his small hand. “What’s your name, yeah? I’m Deidara!”

The eight year year old smiled brightly and reached his hand forward, clasping the other boy’s hands in a gentle hold. “I’m Haku! Let’s be partners ne?”

“Yeah yeah, I approve. Let’s go make more art yeah?” The blond moved his hands and created more explosions.

Haku cheered excitedly and Deidara cackled as he painted the sky in multiple colours of red, orange and white.

“Where are we going?” The five year old asked as he trotted after the tall man.

The missing-nin smiled serenely at him and tugged him forward with his large hand. Uchiha Sasuke scowled and allowed the man to lead him deeper and deeper into their hideout. The dungeons grew darker and darker as they weaved through the large stairs. Sasuke eyed the flickering lanterns and hummed lowly as he followed his adoptive father inside the large arena.

It was vacant.

Orochimaru paused at the foot of the rink and he turned to him with bright eyes. “Here we are,” he spoke. “Now hop on son.”

Sasuke scowled and followed the man into the rink. Orochimaru moved his hands through a fast jutsu and created three identical clones. The clones stood at attention, facing the five year old. The missing-nin stepped back and leaned against the rink, surveying the child with curious eyes.

“Now you fight Sasuke-chan. Try not to die.” He spoke with a sharp grin as he flicked his fingers.

The clones lunged forward and Sasuke scowled. He took a stance and shot his hands out, punching through the clones rapidly. They melted into a puddle of mud and dirt and regrew hurriedly. Sasuke scowled. Earth jutsu. Ugh, such a drag. He punched the second clone and another manifested in its place, one after the other without stop. Sasuke’s chest rose and fell in exertion. He hadn’t fought a long fight since…well…since his rebirth. All fights he experienced were short-lived.

The five year old glared at the clones and punched through another one. “Will this end?” He scowled.

Orochimaru hummed from the side and offered no verbal response. Sasuke glared at him and he ducked, throwing himself to the ground as he evaded a slew of knives. The missing-nin pulled out a notebook and began taking notes, his expression concentrated as he eyed the fight. Sasuke cursed colourfully as he evaded another clone.

“Die you f*cker!” He yelled, sending the clone flying into the walls.

Orochimaru clicked his tongue and waved his hands, banishing the clones. He stepped into the arena and stared down at him with a frown.

“You don’t know a single jutsu?”

Sasuke glared. “No, I don’t need any.”

Orochimaru shook his head. “Now that’s just careless. You see, I have a large amount of chakra, you’re already exhausted. I can keep going for a long time, you can’t. At this point, I can easily kill you.”

Sasuke frowned. “That’s…true.”

Orochimaru knelt down in front of him. “This is not going to do. You need to train.”

Sasuke scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. “No, I hate training.”

Orochimaru smiled. “Think of it this way, the more you train, the more people you can subdue. Think of it, Hidan, he’s annoying, right?”

Sasuke nodded. “He’s so f*cking annoying! And he won’t die!” He whined with a frown. “I keep trying but the bitch keeps springing back up and…ugh!”

Orochimaru laughed and ruffled his hair. “Exactly but that’s because you’re only trying one method. Punching and punching. You need to expand your horizon Sasuke-chan and maybe then you can kill Hidan.”

Sasuke frowned thoughtfully. Orochimaru made a good point. He never wanted to train with Fugaku breathing down his neck about clan expectations and clan honour. The man never wanted him to train for his own accomplishments but he wanted him to train for the glory of the Uchiha Clan. For the glory of Konoha. To showcase how hot his Will of Fire burnt. Sasuke wanted nothing to do with that.

The five year old stared thoughtfully at the missing-nin. Orochimaru wanted him to train so he could subdue his enemies, so he could protect himself. He didn’t chase after glory or fame. He did as he pleased and didn’t care how people viewed him. Sasuke’s lips quirked upwards. He wanted to subdue Hidan. He wanted to silence the screeching f*cker for good. If he heard one more word about children sacrifices, he was going to set the entire hideout on fire. Konan-san would be displeased and Danna would be… Pein had no reaction to anything… He was fine.

It didn’t seem like a bad idea.

Sasuke nodded. “Okay, teach me.”

Orochimaru grinned. He stood up and his yellow eyes glinted. “How do you feel about snakes?”

Sasuke grinned.

Reptiles were the cousins of amphibians.

He loved them.

“I love them!”

Orochimaru laughed and he took hold of his small hand. He moved his hands in a fast seal and they disappeared in a flash. Sasuke opened his eyes and he peered at the large expansive forest around them. He gazed questioningly at Orochimaru who smiled at him excitedly. The nin stepped in front of him and he took out a sharp knife, slicing his finger with a swift move.

Orochimaru knelt down and he drew a seal with his blood. He pressed his hands together and grinned. The ground trembled and Sasuke watched with wide eyes as a massive snake broke through the surface, rearing its head forward with curious eyes. It was a dark purple with glinting emerald eyes. It had pointed crown on its head and it stared at them with sentient intelligence.

Sasuke bounced on his feet excitedly, eyeing the massive reptile with a sense of awe and excitement. He wondered what species it was classified under. He wanted to study it, touch its scales, test its poison, speak to it about its habitat and climate. The inner scientist in him vibrated in excitement at the sight of the rare animal. Orochimaru laid a hand on Sasuke’s small shoulder and he smiled up at the large summons.

“Meet Manda son,” he spoke. “The king of all serpents!”

Chapter 12: Twelve

Chapter Text

XII.

The small five year sat in the rays of the bright sun. He had his eyes closed and he was dosing in the shade. He shuffled on his side, his brows furrowed in annoyance as he heard the distant rumbling and explosions, followed by familiar maniacal laughter. Sasuke’s eyes shot open and he glared up at the moving clouds. The explosive bastard was at it again. The sounds were distant but they still grated his ears. Sasuke sat up with an indignant huff and he placed a careful hand on his small snake summons.

Yuki was a young and tiny snake, given to him by Oro. He loved the tiny sassy creature. She listened to his stories about his dreaded Uchiha household and she approved of his sh*t-talking. It was wonderful - She promised to bite Fugaku if they ever ran into him in the future. Sasuke approved greatly of her vengeful personality. Yuki hissed in irritation - she loved napping as much as him - They were like soulmates napping, resting and bitching about the inferiors around them.

Sasuke stood up with a small groan and Yuki wrapped her thin wiry form around his shoulders. He made his way past the training grounds, glancing at the two children bonding. It was a very bad combination - the explosive bastard was mentoring the shy sweet homeless kid. Haku was being moulded into a tiny terror by another tiny terror. Meh. It wasn’t his problem. Leader can deal with the chaos. Sasuke snickered as he saw Haku create massive ice pillars, throwing his hands to the sky with an excited cheer. Deidara cackled and directed a massive clay gollum at the ice. Explosions and mist surrounded the training area and the children giggled excitedly.

f*cking terrors.

Sasuke made his way into the Akatsuki lair and he tsked in irritation. His Akatsuki robe was too large - it trailed after him like a massive cape and it swallowed his tiny form entirely. He looked utterly comical. Damn you Konan-san. The kid made his way through the hideout, looking around searchingly. He made his way into the common room - which was joined with the kitchen. His nose scrunched up in distaste. Tobi was at the kitchen counter - cooking and singing. Ew. The bastard liked to experiment with new recipes and it was utterly inhumane. They were more like poisonous concoctions. He learned his lesson after an entire week of food poisoning.

Tobi turned his head to the door and he squeaked in surprise. He tripped over his feet and his hand hit the cutting board, throwing his ingredients to the ground. The shinobi paused and then he began wailing in despair.

“Ahhhhhhh! My dinner!” Tobi threw himself to the ground and kicked his arms and legs upwards, flailing and whining.

Sasuke sneered at the disgusting sight. He made his way past the flailing moron and opened the fridge. He paused on the labelled food thoughtfully - His dark eyes lit up and a smirk marred his face. There were a few jars, with strange substances - not edible - labelled Sasori with elegant penmanship. Sasuke steered clear from the substances. It was 100% poison. Why the red haired f*cker stashed his poison along with their food supply was beyond him. Sasori was secretly hoping they’d make the mistake of grabbing it for food. Poison as garnish, hah. There were also a few frozen rats tossed haphazardly in the middle - Orochimaru - Ugh why?!

Sasuke pulled a jar of pickles labelled PROPERTY OF HIDAN! DON’T TOUCH! And he ate through it with a sour expression. He pilfered through the rest of the content, finding everything Hidden stashed and he grabbed it all, stuffing his arms.

Kisame walked into the kitchen and he paused at the door, staring down at him. He eyed the piles of labelled food in his tiny arms and he shook his head. He stepped over Tobi (who was still wailing) and grabbed a packet of ramen.

“Partner,” he nodded.

Sasuke stuffed his face with more pickles. “Partner,” he nodded back.

Kisame stared into the pot as he filled it with water. “Want ramen?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, I want to finish all these. I’m looking for Oro, seen him?”

Kisame opened the fridge and he pulled out a box of pork slices. “Try the dungeons, he’s usually in his lab.”

Sasuke paused. “Lab?” He echoed with wide eyes. Wait what?!

Kisame nodded. “Yeah, the lab next to Sasori’s, but maybe don’t go alone because its littered with traps along the way. Ask someone to guide you. I can after I finish eating.”

Lab! Sasuke grinned. A lab - which was probably a science lab - No way! Orochimaru was a fellow scientist. The five year old patted Yuki on the head and he rushed out of the common room, stepping on Tobi vindictively on the way out. He rushed through the halls - lab, lab, lab, lab, lab - and he ran straight into a solid body. Omph. Sasuke fell on his ass and he glared up at the kunoichi.

Konan stared down at him with a neutral expression. “Where are you headed?”

Sasuke scowled and eyed the packages of food on the floor. He stood up and stomped all over it - f*ck you Hidan, starve bitch! - Konan watched him passively, waiting patiently for his response. Sasuke pushed his bangs out of his eyes and he pulled his long long sleeves back.

“Konan-san, can you get me to Oro’s lab?” He asked excitedly.

Konan stared.

Sasuke stared back with large eager eyes.

“What for?”

“Mmm I’m a fellow scientist and labs are my second home. Can we go, ne?”

Konan sighed. “There are traps, I’d rather you not go alone. Very well, follow me.” She began walking. She paused and eyed his cloak.

“We need to get you resized.” She added.

Sasuke scowled and flopped a long sleeve at her. “No sh*t.”

She turned on her heel and stalked down the hall. He rushed after her, cursing as he nearly tripped on his large cloak. Konan slowed her gait and walked next to him, glancing at him with a passive gaze. They made their way through the lit halls. Konan was a silent presence - offering zero commentary - Sasuke liked her silent demeanour. She was very very cool. Clinical. He approved - she was his favourite among the idiots. Oro came second - because he gave him a terrifying snake summons.

Yuki dosed on his shoulders - the lucky bitch - and the five year old sniffed in envy. Konan paused at the front of a thick door and she pressed her hand to a seal. It lit up and the doors slid open. Hmm a solid security system, nice. He liked how paranoid the Akatsuki were. The security was tight. He followed her in and eyed the large large stairs. Okay, what the f*ck? The stairs were steep - insanely steep - as in he would need to ninja jump to get to each one. He eyed the stairs in distaste.

“The traps are on specific tile boards.” Konan explained monotonously. “If you land on the wrong tile board… well you’d die. Also the traps were administered by Orochimaru and Sasori.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened. Great. The craziest f*ckers present - a psychotic overpowered teen who killed his own Kage at sixteen, a lover of poisons, art and puppeteering. The other was a mad scientist who had no moral compass - hid in dark laboratories and laughed like a sibilant serpentine creature. Ew. He had to rely on Konan. Ugh, fine she was badass enough that he did not feel ashamed for his vulnerability. She would also help him free of charge - she, Danna and Kisame, were the only members (and Haku) who offered advice and directions without charge.

Every other f*cker requested a cost - a quid pro quo - Sasori wanted him to test out his poisons, f*ck no. Orochimaru wanted him to train more, Nooooooo! Hidan wanted his blood and sacrifice, that creep. Kakuzu was best avoided at all times; he was so unhinged he made insanity look normal. Deidara plainly despised his entire being, screeching UCHIHA SASUKE! every single f*cking time he saw him!

Yes, Konan was the best option. The kunoichi stared down at him and she offered him a pale hand. Sasuke scowled and took her hand reluctantly. She shunshined expertly, moving from plaque to plaque. She landed in front of a large hall, separated into two large corridors. Sasuke pulled his hand away and he stared down the dimly lit hallway. It looked f*cking creepy - straight out a horror show.

He walked down the hall, Konan walked behind him silently, and he eyed one of the open doors. Sasori stood in front of a puppet, tinkering the insides with a blank face. Puppets were pinned to the walls, eerily staring ahead. It was like a doll room from a terror movie. Sasuke moved away hurriedly. Ew. He walked further down the hall and stopped in front of a large door. The door was thrown open abruptly and he stared up at a serenely smiling Orochimaru.

“Sasuke-chan!” He greeted excited. “I knew I felt your chakra nearby. What are you here for?”

Orochimaru wore a white lab coat and his hands were covered with sterile gloves. His long hair was tied in a high pony tail and he had a large snake wrapped around his shoulders.

“I heard you have a lab,” he spoke accusingly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Orochimaru blinked slowly and he nodded. “Yes, I’ve always had one.”

Sasuke glared at him. He threw his hands up in the air. “And why didn’t you invite me? I’m a scientist too!”

Orochimaru’s eyes widened and his expression brightened. “I had no idea son, well come in come in. Konan-san will you be staying?”

Konan nodded and followed them into the lab. Sasuke gazed around with wide eyes. It was breathtaking! It was a large spacious laboratory with extensive, high end equipment. Everything was labelled and stored in jars alphabetically. It was brightly lit and there was a large table in the centre, filled to the brim with scrolls and loose paper. To the side was a large operating table and closed cabinets. It was literally a dream! So much better than the creepy doll room of Sasori.

Sasuke made his way to the jars, eyeing them curiously. He picked one up, staring at the dark substance.

“Careful son, that’s a plague your holding.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened. He lowered the jar carefully. “A plague?”

“There was a plague in Yuga a few years back.” Konan supplied. “Orochimaru was called in to come up with a cure and he kept the specimen.”

“Wow.” Sasuke breathed.

Orochimaru was f*cking awesome! He liked him more than Konan-san. He was a scientist - a kindred spirit!

Sasuke walked towards the closed lockers - they looked like the rooms they kept dead bodies in morgues - and he eyed them curiously. He pried one open with a huff and he stared at the deceased body.

“Ew,” he spoke. “What the f*ck happened to him?”

“Sasori’s poisons,” Orochimaru supplied airily. “He died within four minutes and I ran an autopsy to assess the damage.”

Sasuke nodded. “Hmm, so you do autopsies and you run experiments?”

Orochimaru nodded. “Yes, I use deceased subjects - criminals, lowlifes, all that fun stuff.” He leaned against the counter with a smile. “None of this scares you?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Ne Oro? When Kisame dies, can we dissect him?”

Orochimaru let out a surprised laugh. “Why?”

Sasuke scowled and wheeled the body back inside. He huffed and flopped his long sleeves with an expression of annoyance. “I want to know his breed of shark but he won’t tell me so if he dies before me, I want to find out. I’ll get him to sign a release form, like a body donor agreement for science.”

Konan made her way out of the door. “I’ll leave you both to it. Orochimaru, I’m watching you.” She spoke warningly.

The snake-nin grinned unapologetically and waved her off.

Orochimaru smiled and waved him over. “Come here, look at my latest experiment. This is a poison that shuts down the organs within a few minutes.”

Sasuke grinned. “Oh wow, can I test it on Hidan? I’ll slip some into his food.”

Orochimaru chuckled and ruffled his hair fondly. “Sure thing son, here now go grab the flask-”

The two spent the afternoon experimenting and exchanging ideas. Orochimaru watched the five year old with a fond smile as he excitedly assessed his equipment and read over his journal entries. Orochimaru showed him his latest concoctions and the pair bottled up the poison in small glass vials.

Sasuke watched Orochimaru pack the vials away in an air tight container and he pilfered one for testing purposes. He smiled innocently at the snake-nin and he hid the vial into his large floppy sleeves. They made their way past the creepy doll lab - and past the traps - and walked towards the common room. Sasuke bounced on his feet excitedly as it neared dinner time.

Hidan was in for a lovely surprise.

Chapter 13: Thirteen

Chapter Text

XIII

Orochimaru had plans.

He had grand nefarious plans that would make grown men weep. He had diabolical plans. He had ideas - groundbreaking notions - Things no one had ever tried before. He was very interested in the concept of life and death. Immortality had a nice ring to it - It fit his aesthetic as a non-normative forever young androgynous beauty.

It suited him.

Living forever.

Being young forever.

He took great care of his appearance. His hair was long, luscious and shiny. His skin was clear of blemishes and free of wrinkles. He wasn’t like his teammates - already silver haired with laughter lines. He sneered distastefully. He was above that. He was eternally youthful and he had a long skin care regimen, spending sleepless nights in the lab perfecting the ultimate serum for his pale skin.

His plans were going smoothly. There were an endless supply of bodies from him to experiment on - courtesy of his reclusive puppeteer - Everything was grand. Until well… Until he met that child. At first he was intrigued, lo and behold it was an Uchiha child and he was free of charge.

Kami-sama was too kind!

It wasn’t even his birthday.

Now, the child was too young - an itty bitchy bitty creature with a mean scowl and large dark eyes - He was far too young for Orochimaru to execute his plans of body-borrowing (stealing).

He wasn’t discouraged.

Sure, Sasuke-chan was young, yes, but young was good.

It made him malleable.

He would invest in him, train him so he become the strongest and most suitable host.

It was perfect.

All his plans were coming to fruition.

He no longer had to search for the perfect vessel when it came right to his doorstep or well… to his laboratory.

His plans were going smoothly.

Very smoothly.

Yes, indeed.

Orochimaru looked over to the tiny child, standing on the stool, staring down unflinchingly at the decayed corpse.

f*ck.

Sasuke had large googles plastered on his tiny face, a scalpel in his chubby hands and he hummed softly as he dissected the corpse.

f*ck indeed.

His plans were NOT going smoothly.

Sasuke-chan was everything he wanted in a vessel and more.

He was growing attached.

He had plans - grand nefarious diabolical - Oh who was he kidding?

He couldn’t do it.

Not to his son!

He didn’t even know if he had the authority to do it. Manda, the Snake King, his personal summons had warned him if he touched the child with bad intentions that he would invite him to dinner with his children and he would be served up as the main course.

Orochimaru was not intimated by the snake king. No. He was the great and powerful Snake Sannin. He watched with a tight smile as Sasuke hopped off the counter, pulling the googles off his tiny face and he handed him the sample with an impish smirk.

Orochimaru felt a sudden wave of chest pain.

Ouch.

He rubbed his chest in confusion. He was coming down with something. The chest pain was often caused around Sasuke - He checked his symptoms and kept track of them thoroughly. They manifested at odd intervals, with no forewarning.

The kid was the definite variable.

Sasuke poisoning Hidan, cackling gleefully as the latter turned purple equals chest pain. Sasuke smirking in excitement as he plowed through a series of clones equates to chest pain. Sasuke rushing after him with large Akatsuki sleeves flapping causes chest pain. Sasuke listening to him ramble about his research with attentive eyes creates chest pain.

“So I took a sample from his diaphragm. Interestingly enough, all his organs are black on the inside, which means that the poison continues to eat away at the body even after the victim succumbs to his death. Now, Sasori said 4 minutes was the estimated interval-”

Orochimaru jotted down the child’s findings (Sasuke had horrendous penmanship) and his lips stretched into a smile. The little scientist had a brilliant mind, intelligent beyond his years. He was like a little Orochimaru in the making. The scientist paused - He liked that idea. A mini-me! It was perfect!

If he took over Sasuke-chan’s body, he wouldn’t see him grow into a brilliant prodigy. He frowned. The idea of using the boy was becoming less and less appealing with each moment spent in the child’s presence.

Orochimaru huffed in irritation. He wasn’t big on emotions. Human emotions always escaped him. It was one of the reasons he never really connected with anyone. At least until the little gremlin entered his life. Was this truly the feeling of attachment? Strange.

The Snake Sannin felt a tug on his sleeve and he gazed down at the kid.

“Let’s go eat, I’m hungry.” The boy demanded.

Orochimaru hummed, locking up the samples securely.

Sasuke raised his arms up expectantly and the tall nin scooped him up, resting him on his hip. The boy chattered about testing his latest concoctions on an unsuspecting Hidan. It was a waste to let Sasuke go, perhaps he needed to locate a different vessel. Yes, Sasuke was too valuable to part with. He wanted to see him grow and he would hate to deprive him of his quality time with Hidan.

Sasuke rushed through the dimly lit hallways of the Akatsuki headquarters. He rounded the corner and beelined straight to Hidan’s room. He pressed his ear to the door and his lips lifted into a smirk. Causing Hidan pain and misery was his life’s current purpose. The man was easily too riled up and he was immune to everything.

The five year old pushed the door open and he gazed around the punk-star looking room. He trudged to the closet and threw the doors open, smirk stretching vindictively. There were a series of leather jackets - JEANS - ripped at the seams, folded and stacked neatly. He had heard about Hidan’s rock-star aesthetic before he joined the gang of national terrorists.

Once a punk, always a punk.

Sasuke grabbed the studded jacket - It was huge - And he pulled it on, rolling the sleeves up. He twirled in front of the mirror, eyeing his reflection. Wow. He looked hella dumb. He was swimming in the clothes. He walked through the room, pilfering through Hidan’s belongings.

Was that eyeliner?

He cackled gleefully and stole the eyeliner, pocketing it in his newly acquired coat. He paused as he eyed his baby face, dark eyes staring back at him unblinkingly.

Why not?

He opened the eyeliner and applied a coat, mucking it up drastically.

“Racoon eyes,” he huffed.

He took the pencil in his hand and shoved it back into his pocket. He grabbed his latest concoction and layered it graciously on the clothes, spraying generously. He smirked - Hidan would suffer from a very horrible rash (with no cure!) HA! He rushed out of the room, jacket flapping to the cool breeze and rushed to find his partner.

It was mission time.

The mission was simple.

It was supposed to be simple.

Kisame eyed the carnage with a twitching eyelid. The group of merchants they were tasked to guard stood behind him, crouched down in the mud and crying tears of horror. Kisame watched the tiny menace make an example of the group of mercenaries - Kiri nin - who were tasked with killing their client.

Kisame watched the bodies fly in the air, screeches of pain filling the premises. He heard the yells of ORA ORA ORA and he sighed, watching as the trees were uprooted from the ground. Sasuke weaved through the bodies, wearing an oversized studded leather jacket (Was that eyeliner?). A kiri-nin sent a group of clones towards him and Kisame deflated them with a lazy wave of his sword. His partner stole most of the action, as usual. He watched as the kiri-nin fled in terror. His partner scowled and slammed a bloodied hand on the ground, summoning a large snake.

Kisame’s eyes widened in recognition.

Oh no.

Was Sasuke Orochimaru’s secret apprentice?

He had seen the pair in the lab giggling over a corpse. He steered clear of them when they were together. Some things were better left unsaid. He didn’t expect this development. sh*t. Sasuke was turning into a mini-Orochimaru. He shuddered at the thought. Nope. He wasn’t going there.

Kisame cringed as he watched the snake devour its prey. Well, it was hardly a secret now, he thought eyeing the last kiri-nin run for the hills. It was only a matter of time before the Elemental Nations were made aware of the latest threat. There was a tiny snake in the making and it wore leather studded jackets and eyeliner.

That jacket looked familiar. Hmm…Nope. He wasn’t going there. Better left unsaid, yet again.

Kisame sighed. He wished his partner was more mellow - like that weird plant dude. It didn’t help that there was a cult dedicated to the little gremlin from his previous adventures. Civilians were weird and they were very dedicated to Sasuke. He was their lord and saviour.

Wasn’t there a status being commissioned for his altruism?

Nope.

He wanted to go home and drink tea peacefully.

Kisame huffed, turning to the crowd of immobile merchants, beckoning them ahead with a rough shove.

Sasuke broke through the mist, grinning and covered in blood. He beamed at him, lips drawn into a sharp smirk.

Kisame nodded, lips lifting into a reluctant smile.

“Nice work partner,” he spoke.

The group of infamous criminals sat nursing cups of hot tea in their luxurious hideout. The sound of footsteps echoed through the halls. The flailing body entered the common room, tripping over thin air and tumbling down on his masked face. The group ignored him with ease as he wailed from his spot on the ground.

Tobi hopped to his feet and slammed a book on the table in front of the spectators.

“Sasuke-kun!” He wheezed. “You have an entry in the Bingo Books!”

Silence descended on the group.

Sasuke yawned and leaned into Kisame’s arm, nuzzling into his cold skin with a sleepy gaze.

“What’s that?” He spoke lazily and uncaringly.

Chaos erupted.